immeasurably more

Mungu amewasikia watoto

2012-02-13T05:52:00.027-06:00

God heard the children.

That is what my neighbors told me when when I told them the whole story. You see about 4 months ago during a normal day at Skuli ya Imani we had just finished our story and were listening (well, mostly) to announcements about the coming week when one of my students raised his hand and then shared his opinion that we needed uniforms at our little school. I actually responded by laughing as I thought they were kidding but it was very clear by the looks on their faces that they were indeed very serious and everyone shared his desire. School uniforms are BIG here and they are worn with pride because not everyone can go to school. It is a sign you belong, you are part of a group and that matters a lot. I told them I thought we probably did not need them considering we are not a full fledged school but they quickly countered by explaining that we were a real school and that when we go on trips (we had only ever been on one trip) we need to wear them so everyone knows who we are. All the kids echoed this suggestion and soon a flurry of discussion broke out that we could wear them "when we go to Dar" or "when we fly to America" one suggested. It was hilarious and very clear they had big plans. I listened and thought about it and told them that we did not have money for uniforms since they do not pay to study here and I knew asking their parents would bring a hardship as many struggle to have enough money for notebooks for the government schols. But I did tell them we could pray right then and there and ask God to provide the money if He indeed wanted us to be a uniform wearing school of sorts. He had provided in so many amazing ways since we started way back when. Remember when we started? They agreed and we prayed together. I dismissed the kids after they finished their writing exercises and really did not think much about the issue again.

Until a day and a half later when I got an email from a dear friend that used to live down the street from me in Chicago. Now, I digress but with good cause to explain that friends that live down the street from you in the city are fast friends for they appreciate the diversity, the noise, the lakefront, the vibe as much as you do. They long to escape small condos in the winter and can often be seen at the neighborhood coffee shop or play groups as mere survival and coping tactics. We actually met in an uber granola birthing class and I remember the first thing that struck me was that she was one of the most beautiful pregnant women I had ever seen. Along with some other women and first time mamas in our neighborhood we formed an informal Mama's group and met together regularly. I also used to babysit her son and parade him and Anni around the neighborhood passing them off for twins since they are a week apart. In the many things about leaving Chicago that was painful these women and their kids top my list. She (and I) have since had more babes and both moved a pretty far distance. Me: obvious, her: L.A. We still catch up a bit in cyberspace but getting an email from her still was a surprise. First, greetings from their family and was there anything she could send for our school. WHAT? Just then the prayer offered up just a day and a half before on the other side of the planet from her flooded my mind. The prayer offered (at least by me) only half believing it would be answered. Again, I am grateful God is more faithful than us. Every time. God is good. Really good. Instead of filling their home with more stuff for her son's birthday she thought of us, of my students, and wanted to encourage them and bless us here in lieu of presents. Wow. Awesomeness is all I can say. I replied that my students really wanted uniforms and God had already provided the money we needed for notebooks, pencils, rulers, etc. She was pumped and the plan started taking shape. My students here would design a logo and then I would pass it along to her. She found a really cool NGO in L.A. that helps formerly gang involved youth receive job training and use their skills called Homeboy Industries. It was settled kids in L.A. would receive a logo drawn by kids in Tanzania and they would print the shirts in our chosen color (there was a HUGE debate about this folks). I found a local fundi here that came and measured all the kids for skirts and pants (the boys wanted long pants because that was all the more fancy). The skirts were sewn by a friend who needed some money for a trip to help her sister give birth. Everything worked out brilliantly.

Then we waited and waited for the shirts. The first date we had scheduled for a field trip to a national forest here came and went and my students opted for not going without their uniforms. They could wait until they arrived so that we would all "pendeza" (look fabulous). Another week passed and finally one dented box made it here. That was only half the shirts but we held out hope the rest would arrive and planned the field trip for that Saturday. Everyday Jason or myself checked the post office and still notta. Remembering the great package debacle of Christmas 2011 that only made it to us after 6 months I began to get nervous. And I prayed. A lot. Finally Jason went to the post office the Friday before the trip and still nothing. I was beyond bummed and the watoto who at that point were making hourly checks as to if the shirts had indeed arrived were so disappointed. That day was crazy as it was the last day of the Teacher Training Seminar and we were madly putting together their gift bags and planning. I had to run back into town last minute because the pictures that we were told would take 3 hours to develop would not take 6 and we needed them for the teachers that afternoon. There are no quick errands in Africa folks but I tried my best to fly in and out of the picture place asking them to forgive me for being in a rush. Just about to head home and I decided to try one last time at the post office. It was pretty much a lost cause but with buses reserved and kids waiting at my home all day to hear the news of shirts arriving I decided maybe I need to have a little more faith. We are the School of Faith after all! I pulled in past the uniform guard and slammed the car in park with 8 minutes until I would officially be late for the seminar and checked the PO box again. Empty.

But I still had this feeling. I went inside and ......this is where you may just think I am crazy and in my defense I have admitted to being nuts many times...I got on my knees at the counter and prayed the box was there somehow. The guys that work there know us well and again told me that my package was not there. I asked if he would check one last time as I shared the pathetic story of my eagerly waiting students. C'mon who can't feel sorry for some cute little kiddos? and begged that he check one more time because we prayed and prayed. He sighed and in an effort to humor me returned to the store room to look. I waited. When he emerged 2 minutes later he had a US Pre-paid box in his hand I almost peed myself. Seriously! He said it had "just arrived." Now anyone who knows the woes of the postal service in Africa can attest this was a miracle. I was so grateful and started jumping up and down affirming my "crazy white lady that prays at the post office" persona. I was celebrating! I was late for the seminar but did not care one bit since I had in my hands the rest of our uniforms. After the seminar word traveled fast and kids were in and out of our home all night getting the right shirts and delivering them to other kids until we were sure everyone was ready for the field trip the next morning. Sizes are a bit big because I had apparently forgotten that American kids are monster big compared to African kids but they still look smart (I feel so British using that word) in their Skuli ya Imani uniforms.

The uniforms asked for in hope, made in generosity, cared for by God, and now worn with pride and love. Miracles happen.

taking a break with Bibi

2012-02-11T06:02:00.009-06:00

We are keeping Bibi busy but we are making time for gelato...just for the record.

yummy!

Anni's school

2012-02-10T05:28:00.002-06:00

When Anni heard Bibi had bought her plane ticket a few months back the first thing she asked was "Can she come to my school?" Annikah was so proud that Bibi came and spent the morning teaching at her school. The teachers and students were so excited to have a special guest and welcomed us with many giggles and "Karibu"s. It was a busy morning as we taught every class and Evy insisted on being Bibi's helper while she read to the kids. The kids had a blast listening to stories, singing songs, playing games, and doing crafts. Special day for them and us!

reading to Anni's class about Jesus' miracles

playing "duck, duck, goose" well..."chicken, chicken, rooster" (more common birds here)

This school is a special place for our family and it was awesome to be able to share with Bibi Anni's school, great teachers, and her dear friends.

local preschool visit

2012-02-09T04:43:00.005-06:00

Every other Friday Evy and I stop in and help out at a local preschool our friend started up a few months back. The watoto are adorable and the two teachers are awesome! They started small and are renting a room in a house and we just had to take Bibi along to check it out. And Miss Annikah may have played hooky to join us because being left out on a trip with Bibi was just not an option. The school is improving each week and they had just had the outside painted and it is looking like a real school. The walk to get there was a bit winding and local for sure but we made it and joined the class for a field trip to the local zoo and park. Anni rode the dala dala with the kids and we loaded into our car and followed them to the zoo. We checked out all the animals but it was the playground that was the big attraction. Bibi was a little shocked when all the kids just walked to the grass to pee especially since Anni as one of them! Bathroom breaks are much easier here :) And of course we could not resist convincing Bibi to take a camel ride before we left. It was a great field trip!

long walk to get to the school...

Bibi had to get a picture of the cows that roam through every neighborhood (I guess we do not think this of "weird" anymore :)

checking out the crocodiles

feeding the monkeys cookies

how many watoto does it take to push Miss Evy in her stroller? so sweet

dressed in their best to check out the zebras.....

and camel riding in Africa is a must!

More on our adventures with Bibi soon because they are too fab not to share...

Putting Bibi to work!

2012-02-07T10:56:00.018-06:00

When I found out Rhoda was visiting us I was super excited and my wheels started to turn about how to use her awesome teacher skills! What better way then to host another teacher's seminar!! The last one was a great success and the teachers wanted more so we hosted 3 days on games and arts and crafts using local materials for the nursery/preschool classroom. I am pretty good at roping folks into helping out here and with the amazing group of teachers I knew Bibi Rhoda would fall in love with them fast. It is a privilege to get to work together with Rhoda, Doro, the teachers, and the staff at Pamoja to make this seminar a great time for all involved. I love collaboration: so much better than anything anyone of us could manage alone. We had 33 teachers this time around (even 2 men) and they all enjoyed learning new ideas for their classrooms. My favorite parts were actually playing the games as they got a bit competitive! Even though we were physically exhausted after the three days we knew it was time well spent investing in these educators. Here's a peak......

Preparing the teacher's blessing gifts

who doesn't love making arts & crafts?

game time...guess what is in the bag

musical chairs without chairs...we are resourceful!! We used sheets of paper

we laughed A LOT!

teaching "Itsy Bitsy Spider"

"Abdulli says"... Simon says but more local flavor :)

Bingo...they were SOOOO into this game!

Teacher's turn to teach us

getting their certificates

checking out their goodies...

It is hard to describe how amazing this work feels to me. Encouraging and learning with teachers is a blessing! I am thankful I get to be a small part of it.

My middle name

2012-02-04T05:55:00.001-06:00

My middle name is Corinne. I was named after my Mom's mother. My dear Grandma who was known by everyone as Cory. She was tall, feisty, an animal lover completely devoted to her dogs, made a mean apple pie, loved to eat as every woman in our family does, devoured books so fast she could wear out a library staff, cooked amazing food, could argue anything politics for hours, and loved and defended her family with the strength to revival any man.

On Friday I woke up early to read His word and workout as usual. After about 20 minutes Jason joined me on the couch and snuggled me close and told me he had just read online that my grandmother passed.

And it was like in that moment everything stood still. It was not real because I am here surrounded by things so different. We knew leaving home for so far away that this was "part of the deal" and we lost Jason's Grandfather last year but still I was unprepared for the ache I would feel to see my Mom. The time difference meant I had to wait to call her. My mom is an only child and she has been taking care of her parents relentlessly for months. I cried and sobbed and was angry I was so far away and unable to help. I asked Jason to watch the kids and went out to run. I just needed to pound pavement and pray and get away. Running past chickens, neighbors greeting me, school children clad in matching uniforms and head covering on their way to school I prayed and breathed. And I was comforted. Because I know His plan was for us to be here. It is not what I would choose but I trust that His plans are better than mine.

I talked to my mom and we prayed and cried and laughed. I love my Mom. She is a rockstar for being so strong and loving so much even when it is really hard. She assured me that getting on a plane was stupid since my Grandmother had clearly told all of us she did not want a big ceremony or open casket showing- she promised if we did this she would haunt us all from the grave. Yep, that is why I love her!! Don't mess with the women in our family....just saying! So when we are back stateside this summer we will have a family service and scatter her ashes in Lake Geneva and remember her life and the impact she had on ours. I found this picture of celebrating her birthday last time we were stateside. German chocolate cake and my beautiful Grandma with her grand daughter.

Grandma Cory, I love you and we will all miss you. Praying you have peace and are in His arms at rest. May He comfort us in your absence as it will be felt.

We are buggin' out!

2012-01-26T00:23:00.006-06:00

Evy had her 2nd Bday bash (African time for sure since the girl turned 2 over a month ago) and it was based on her favorite and most often used word: Dudu (bug)! I bought some plastic cockroaches and other bugs in South Africa to use for decorations and games even though Jason nominated that purchase as the most ridiculous item ever bought by me considering we have about 3 huge dead cockroaches on our floor every morning. But (as I justified) you cannot use those to decorate a cake! See....

I am fairly certain I have many pink princess parties in my future so I enjoyed a bug theme this time around! I go with my kids passion and Evy has a passion for things wadudu! We invited some ex-pat friends and had a small gathering to celebrate our little Evy Imani and can I just say how fabulous it was to have Bibi here to celebrate (and help)? Woo hoo!!

The kids made "spoon bugs" with homemade baker's clay, Q-tips, and paint and got butterfly tattoos on arrival and after paint was everywhere and colorful and glittery bugs were drying we had a bug hunt outside. Did I mention Evy LOVED painting?

We hid plastic bugs outside and told them they had to help since we had an invasion of wadudu at our house (somewhat true also)and each child had to find one to get their zawadi. Kids that live in Africa are used to some big and nasty bugs so some were a bit leery about picking them up! Although they knew it was the only way to get their treat bags so they were quickly convinced to find the wadudu.

and guess who invited himself to the party....AGAIN

A party is not a real party without a dance party......

Who wants a peice with a bug on it? "me...me...me...me"

and singing and a cockroach cake.... should I be concerned Evy was not that worried about them being on her cake?

Thanks everyone for celebrating Evy's precious life with us!

And of course after the Wazungu weird theme party we had a mini-cake eating and singing sherehe with Skuli ya Imani students.....

how many cakes is that in one day? lost count....

Lots of friends and too many sweets! We are blessed!

Happy belated birthday to our sweet, feisty Evy Imani......I am blessed to be your Mama and May God protect you and grow you to be the woman He wants you to be!

guess who made it?

2012-01-23T10:47:00.009-06:00

Bibi!!! J's Mom landed island-side this morning! She is here! (insert insane jumping up and down fits of joy). We are a bit excited Y'all! Anni woke up before 6am because she was so pumped. Bibi already survived a trip to the market, lots of neighbor kids trying out their "wazungu" greetings, and some local food. She made the LONG trip all by herself which shows she is one tough Mama! Not to mention the cost involved and time taken to bless us with a visit to see more of this amazing place we call home.

She also came bearing gifts of corn tortillas, ranch dressing, Fruity Pebbles, new books for the girls, and gummy vitamins which further endeared her to us. Yeah for family here on our island.......more on our adventures soon but first Bibi needs to get some rest (if the girls will allow it that is).

Karibu Bibi!!

the kuku story...a clear highlight of Evy's day

2012-01-22T05:57:00.012-06:00

This morning as we were going about a quiet Sunday morning at home this little guy invited himself in our house as he and his comrades have done many times due to a broken screen on our kitchen door. Usually we can shoo-sh them away fairly quickly but this dude made it all the way to the bedrooms and did not want to vacate the premise. Jason and Evy had quite an adventure in convincing the kuku to get up outta here. This event was clearly the highlight of Miss Evy Imani's day as exemplified by her animated retelling of the events over and over. I finally had to record her. And for the record Annikah's response to the chicken getting in and being subsequently chased away was "not again! argh!" A little less enthusiastic for sure. I guess we cannot blame the little kuku since his Mama that we affectionately named KFC was eaten for lunch last week by the family that lives with us. Still, dude has gotta face his fate and live outside. Pole!

And here is Evy's dramatic retelling assisted by Mama since my girl still only has a few words:

Girl is hilarious, no?!

It is snowing!!!

2012-01-22T00:49:00.003-06:00

We have heard that our friends and family in Chicago and Iowa have had some big snow news this past week. Well, us islanders could not be left out! A friend here gave me some of this weird stuff. It is a powder and when you add water it grows and becomes snow! Seriously, looks pretty real. And without the freezing cold or digging out cars from city streets I'd say far superior. We have been learning about weather in Skuli ya Imani and I could not resist showing some island kids what snow is like. They loved it too! I was careful to explain I did not use any witch doctor skills to make it because we learned our lesson with talking Elmo a few years ago. If something is a bit weird people may assume so better to clarify the no witch doctor mojo was used pre-weird stuff. Once everyone understood it was some crazy Wazungu technology we were all good to play in the snow. So here is a few pictures of it snowing on our island....

take cover!

my snow baby....

now back to our regularly scheduled steamy as always heat wave.......

sare & kid good stuff

2012-01-21T06:05:00.009-06:00

Matching dresses are big here. Adults and children alike love getting clothes made that match. Sare! Anni's best friend Lusi's Mama made the girls all these dresses for New Years and we decided they needed a day out to show them off so when Jason was on ALL day field trip with a friends school we hit the playground in town. We heard that it was new and improved and the rumors were true! New rides and more food. Needless to say the 6 kids that loaded in our car and joined us were more then pumped.

new merry-go-round...Evy approves!

and a new train too!

little snacking

and sharing

everyone was shocked at Miss Evy's fearless antics because "haogopi kitu" she is not afraid of anything. Yep, that is my big crazy girl!

Kid good stuff folks.

remembering all He has done

2012-01-20T04:54:00.004-06:00

Yesterday afternoon there were 12 kids at our home swinging, jumping rope, running, dressing up, and riding bikes around. Anni was leading the pack in a search for rocks and sticks for a "cooking" enterprise in the works. It was what can only be described as chaos. I sat watching and listening to the laughing, the singing, the arguing, the noises of friends playing. And I thanked God.

I was distinctly reminded of when we first came over over 3 and a half years ago. Annikah was only 1 and most attempts to play with our neighbors resulted in tears. For her and me. We could not communicate and Anni probably felt as hopeless as I did many days that we could ever feel any sense of being at home here. I spent many days crying and trying to convince myself moving here was not the worst thing I could have done for my kids. I was fighting the nagging feeling that they would forever be different, teased, or not be able to really fit in and just be kids. Yesterday I was reminded of just what He has done for our girls and our family in the last few years. Of course we are still different but our difference is now accepted and loved. And we have been changed forever by the friendships we have made here. My girls have friends. Real friends that they run and play and fight and pretend and have adventures with. And what they have learned by living here and loving here has been so much greater than any hardship we have faced. The richness of our experiences here escapes description. And remembering all He has done is giving Him thanks that even when I lack trust He is good.

As a special treat I gave the hungry little posse of watoto each a well worn coin that they held tight in their dirty little hands and they all made a mad dash for our neighbor's home. One of the older kids from Shule tied Evy to her back and held Anni's hand as they wondered to the neighbor's house to buy some kachori (fried potato balls). They made their way back about 10 minutes later and my girls were smiling from ear to greasy, dirty ear. We said goodbye to our friends for the night and after shooing them away we headed inside.

Today I am remembering all He has done and I am so thankful there is a place for our family here.

there is always light

2012-01-17T06:12:00.008-06:00

I took this picture a few months ago at a wedding and after looking through all the photos I could not stop going back to this one. The light is just beautiful and unexpected.

And it reminds me that even when all you see is darkness there is always light. I can focus on the darkness sometimes: the seemingly unanswered prayer, the what-ifs, the overwhelming needs, the choke hold of division, and the vice grip of fear. But that leaves out the victory. It is not the full story. There is more. Abundance. Life. Light. Always.

I like how the Message puts it:

The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness;

the darkness couldn't put it out.

The true source of light. He is always there. We have seen some amazing answers to prayer this week. Even with our mustard seed size faith. And I am humbled that He uses us and sees fit that we get to experience miracles meant only for His glory. Friends healed and loved. Amazing. And bright, shining, glorious light even in dark places.

celebrity sighting

2012-01-14T00:14:00.006-06:00

A quick trip to the market with girlfriends to buy some fabric turned out to be the talk of our neighborhood. And in a place where there is a lot of sameness this was pretty exciting!! We spotted Bi. Kidude!!

Ok, so you may be thinking..."ummm who is that?" Arguably one of the most well known people ever to be from our island. She is a famous Taarab singer here. She is also well known by locals for her complete disregard for spheres of life deemed to be "male" like smoking, drinking, and pretty much talking opening about anything she wants! She has created quite a bit of controversy on our island in her time but I think people sorta leave her alone what with being over 100! Seriously a miracle since she smokes like 3 packs a day! Legend has it she once traveled to Europe and refused to wear shoes as she took in the sights of various cities and performed.

I had a short conversation with her in which she grabbed my face and said she was so happy I spoke Kiswahili and that I was welcome here. And of course I had to get one quick pic to up my street cred' in the neighborhood....

You can read a bit about her here and here and there are some amazing scenes of her in this documentary about our island (plus the documentary is awesome!)

So, yeah, Woo-hoo! Celebrity sighting!

Happy Friday!

2012-01-13T04:56:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was Siku ya Mapinduzi- Revolution Day- the biggest non-religious holiday here. No work and celebrations complete with "fireworks" (we will call them fireworks) started at 12 am and I joined the neighbors screaming and celebrating in the street. In the morning we headed to the beach for some family fun. Check out who was in front of us at the gas station....

just getting a little air in the tires...

After a quick stop off at the refuge for red colobus monkeys to negotiate a fair price for an upcoming field trip with Skuli ya Imani kids we swam, ate, chilled, hunted for shells, and relaxed. We headed back when it started to rain and then spent the afternoon visiting with neighbors and hanging out. Good day.

How cute are these watoto? Happy Friday y'all!

the old nail through the shoe trick

2012-01-10T11:55:00.011-06:00

I started the day at 5:30am with a hospital visit for my friend and ended the day with one for me.

Before Skuli ya Imani started today I was setting up and playing with some kids and I stepped on a dirty nail outside...it went clear through my shoe (ok, I was wearing flip flops like I do every single day of my life here) but still geez! My girlfriends present told me to rub some perfume on the wound but I opted for cleaning it, gooping on some antibiotic ointment, and gauze and getting back to teaching. After Skuli J and I searched Web MD sites (which can I just say you should NEVER do!! Seriously, I think I might die...like right now... from every minor symptom I have ever had) and realized I probably did need another tetanus shot since my last one was about tens years ago. After a couple calls we decided my best bet was a hospital about five minutes away and off I went. I saw the doctor quickly who never looked at the wound and then proceeded to ask ME how often you need a tetanus which did not do much to increase my confidence in the medical services here. I just asked for him to write the prescription which he quickly did and then I limped over to the pharmacy to buy my vaccine and needle. The workers were engaged in lively discussion and one was having a chai break so I waited a bit but after paying about 4 bucks they handed me this and directed me back to the hospital to have a nurse give me the injection:

I got the shot, prayed for a sick little boy and his mama who I was waiting with, and was on my happy albeit hobbling way within 20 minutes and it only cost about 5 bucks!

Best emergency room trip yet....always keeping it interesting y'all!

family fab night....don't worry!

2012-01-10T06:01:00.008-06:00

So it has been a while since our last family fabulous-ness night but we were on vaca... what do you want from me? :) We are settling back into the crazy flow around here and since the girls loved the last fab night and we had big plans for more. Miss Anni had an idea for a "flower" themed Fab Fam night a couple months back and we promised that after we returned island-side we would begin the prep. At family meeting this past week there were some tears by one or more members about the impending transitions for our family and we read and discussed the passage where Jesus tells us not to worry. We are more precious then the birds of the air and the flowers of the field! Thus, we had our theme! Very little prep went into this one but it was a great night of eating, crafts, singing, and games. Here are some pics and details in case anyone feels inspired to steal & improve...I am a firm believer in Mama- sharing (plus, full disclosure I swipe most of my good ideas and tailor them for us)!!!

making "pink petal" cupcakes....

and veggies cut into flowers...we are serious about our theme people.

We played a "relay" race where we had to fill bags with various objects from a big basket. Anni and Evy carried their "burden bags" full of things that represent things we worry about (a dress for clothes, a cucumber and corn flakes for food, bottles of water for drinks, construction paper house for where we live, paper money for finances and provision, pencils and notebooks for school, a clock for our time, etc). Those bags got heavy!!

Mama explaining that we can give our worries to Jesus because He tells us to seek first and alll these things will be given as well and that our Father knows what we need so we do not need to worry! Then we may or may not have danced and screamed "don't worry because God cares for you" (And note I follow the "bloggers must post unflattering pics as well as cute ones of themselves"...see unwashed hair, no make-up, and sweat glistening :)

we made tissue paper flowers (I totally remembered these from back-in-the-day but had to look up instructions online and after spraying them with perfume hid them around the house for a flower hunt. Anni was the clear winner but both girls got candy and snuggle time with Papa for their efforts!

our family craft- we each have a fingerprint flowers and made birds to remind us that God cares even more for us! (Jason pointed out that my bird cut-outs looked more like fighter planes or sharks but whatever...I try!)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Don't worry. God knows & He cares for us so much. Good reminder for us all and lots of family good times.

back in session!

2012-01-09T01:58:00.002-06:00

Skuli ya Imani is back in session y'all!! The day we returned kids came over to see if there was school. How many kids beg for school? I told them after I spent one full night we could start and we have been going strong ever since. I was actually struggling our first few days after being back with culture re-shock and the heat but after the first day of Skuli I told Jason that I am thankful God allows us to use our gifts and passion to serve here; it was what I needed to remember just how good He is to our family here!

It is amazing how much they have learned and how their confidence has grown. Many of the "wadogo" (small ones) group is starting "real" school this week as well and a few have made their way over to our house to say that they already know everything at school and are doing really well because they are "really smart." For some of them school wasn't an option until they started learning here and now they know they can learn. And that makes me smile. A lot. To say I am proud of my little wanafunzi would be the understatement of the year, kinda like saying "I like Mexican food." (Yes, I am passionate about teaching and a close second eating Mexican food but I digress as I tend to do.) I am also so blessed to have a couple German gals who are here for a year to come and help me kid wrangle every Skuli session along with some women from our neighborhood.

And we have more BIG Skuli ya Imani news coming soon involving some amazing answered prayers & some really excited watoto.......we are getting more official all the time! But for now here are a few recent pictures of us learning and growing together.....

Christmas presents..... a 5 kilo bag of rice for each family...they were pumped!

working hard

Thank you to all who pray for us, support us, send gifts, and invest in these children...God is good! Asanteni sana!!!

peanut butter faces & snot noses

2012-01-08T12:05:00.009-06:00

Yep. That sorta sums up my day today.

When I became a Mama no one told me (ok, maybe I just didn't listen) about just how much of my time would be not so glamorous moments. But most of the really life giving and real joy inducing and blessed servant roles in life are not so glam.

But they are exactly where Jesus wants us.

So if you are like me today Mama.....exhausted and maybe feeling like all you do is clean up peanut butter smeared faces and wipe snot noses remember He has given you this work and it is for your good and for His glory.

a life of between-ness...

2012-01-06T00:04:00.005-06:00

I was awoken by a phone call at 5:28am Tuesday morning asking me where I was because we were due to leave for the doctor at 5:45am. Why is it that people here are late for everything unless it is in the predawn hours? I silenced the phone, hid in the bathroom and promised my friend I was getting dressed and would be at my gate in 5 minutes and please oh please not to scream and bang as she is predisposed to do. I washed my face and donned a skirt, wrinkled blouse (opps!), and head covering laid out the night before in preparation for my need to be silent kabisa as I left the house (because J and I have sorta an unspoken rule that whoever gets up before dawn must sneak out of the house so as not to wake our slumbering angels and thus turn them into predawn whiny crabsters and thus transform said left behind parent into tired, cranky, pre-coffee lunatic Papa or Mama. Yes, it is a must or said offender will pay later.) I managed to leave undetected except for some loud greetings from neighbors on their way to the mosque or to sell their vegetables at the local market.

I was taking a couple friends to the only doctor I know here that actually seems to listen, run tests, and provide actual care. We get there before the sun rises because it is the only way to assure we will be seen as usually around 7am there are already 60 or more women waiting. It was another appointment for my pregnant friend who is now sporting an adorable and perfect baby bump under her long dresses and whose past two appointments have been all good news. Amazing miracle as she was not doing well for so long. We were also taking another friend that has not been able to think about her own health for years. While I was in South Africa her little girl died. We have been together many times and I have come to love this little girl. When I heard the news I had to sit down, think, pray, and cry. I visited her in the hospital the day we left for South Africa and the little girl had sores covering the entire inside of her mouth. Her breathing was labored. She had not eaten or drank anything for days, even the crushed sugar cookies she has lived on for some time. Her feet were swollen and her skin was peeling off everywhere that was not covered in kanga. She has been sick for 3 years and the last time I saw her weighed about half as much as Evy. Praying was difficult because it seemed as though the situation was hopeless. Because from a human perspective it was but I know God does not see what I see. She died and was buried while we were gone. I went over as soon as a heard and said how sorry I was for their loss and asked them about the family news and we sat together for a long time. I asked again about my friend's health as she has been sick for so long but was always struggling to feed her children and take care of her daughter that required so much care and constant visits to the hospital. She has had physical pain and unexplained bleeding for months. We decided we would all go together to the clinic; everything is done in community here.

So bright and early off we went, a group of five women taking two of them to the clinic. There is lots of benefits of community too; no need for magazines in an office when you wait for 3 hours because we all just talk! I have gotten to know the women at the clinic well and they know my job is always to pray for healing and to hold everyone's purses while they pee in a cup. They were both treated, tested, (more tests required for one of them that can only be done at the government hospital so we wait some more), got medicines, and we headed out. After dropping off my pregnant friend and her sister in law with plans to see them again soon I started to drive my other friend home. She insisted that she could walk part of the way and said just to pull off the main road.

I pulled off the road when she said "here." It was quiet and uncomfortably still for a moment and she showed no signs of grabbing for the car door handle. I wondered if I made a wrong turn but she started sharing that her little girl was buried somewhere here on this large plot of land with overgrown tress, foliage, garbage strewn everywhere, and people meandering on their way to their daily lives. She did not know exactly where since she was not at the burial. It is custom for the men to take the body to the mosque to complete a prayer service and then to bury the body after with no women present. Her baby died in her arms in the middle of the night at the hospital after which she had to arrange to leave with her body. She dressed her little girl in white and rolled her up in a worn mat and took her home to prepare her body for burial. The next day everyone came to grieve with them, pray for the little girl and family, offer condolences, and to bury her. In a culture where exhibiting emotion is rare I could feel her sadness mixed with relief that the suffering was over for her child. It was palpable. I told her how sorry I was for her hurt in losing her child and she quickly replied "tumeshapona" (we are already healed) to which I responded that I did not think that was possible. I told her I know for sure God loves her, that He knows and sees her pain, and that I will continue praying for her in Jesus' name for blessing and healing. We sat for another minute just watching the people walk by and then she got out and began her walk home with promises to see each other this coming week. I drove off less than a mile and then pulled off the dirt road to weep. We are talking the ugly cry. I battle within my soul to reconcile such profound poverty and suffering that we (myself included) can reduce to statistics. And yet I see the amazing privilege I have to see it, breath it, to be allowed a window into the lives of women I have come to love as dear friends.

Last week I was drinking a latte on the beach looking at mountains jutting out of the ocean and talking with a dear friend that I have much in common with and this week I am listening to a life story I cannot even imagine experiencing. And that is my life. And it settled into my soul that the bipolarness of my experiences makes me who I am becoming, makes me appreciate and need each parcel of my life. I hug my children tighter, praise flows more easily from my lips, and compassion and mercy do not seem as difficult to exhibit because I experience amazing Grace and Love from my Father on a daily basis. I understand desperate praise offered in exhaustion and brokenness and I am thankful in new ways for what I am saved from and what I am being sanctified to. The latte drinking and soaking in sun seems so meaningless without engaging in the passion God gives me to love people that are very different from myself. And the daily bombardment of needs here would not be possible for my very- UN-Mother Theresa like and broken self without times of refreshment and fellowship. So here I am. Between two worlds spending many moments feeling the tension and uncomfortableness of that space. But I hold on tight because there is no amount of suffering or pain that Jesus can not turn to healing and wholeness. There is no brokenness He cannot transform into beauty. Mine and my friends. I am holding onto to this and praying and seeking.

orange group!!

2012-01-05T04:12:00.010-06:00

Miss Annikah Joy started her new class in school today! She moved up from 'Green Group to Orange Group after the graduation party a month ago. Today was the first day of the new school year!

We set out her uniform the night before and decided on a hair style (this took more time than I care to divulge as hair styles are very important to Miss A). This morning we started the day drinking orange juice and eating orange pancakes served on an orange plate in honor of her new group. She just walked home from the bus stop and gave us the full report: she met her teacher and she is very nice and she got a new notebook and most importantly she was reunited with all her friends. We prayed together and asked that God would use her to be a light there and that she would be blessed by learning and growing in her new class.

Happy first day of Orange Group Miss Anni Joy! Love, Mama

last reflections...

2012-01-02T06:32:00.003-06:00

So this is my last post in honor of our time in SA. I have been fielding tons of questions about the illusive land since we've been back island side. Our friends here have a hard time believing there are white folks living there in abundance and that the black folks speak using clicks...seriously I think my neighbors think I make this stuff up. So in addition to a few more pics I had lurking around that were too cute not to post here is an ode to our trip using South African speak I learned while there........

So at first we spent a night in the clink, shame! It was beyond hectic! Just a word of advice: Please remember your vaccination cards when traveling hey? Upon our release we grabbed a trolley and collected our luggage and loaded it in the bonnet of the rental car (after standing in a long que I might add). Then we were off to see my china Chloe! She is super kiff by the way and all our kids loved playing together everyday- only the occasional stroppy comment- but they have lots of vuma those girls! We grabbed our tackys and headed out to hike and run and see God's beautiful creation every chance we could and like good South Africans we enjoyed a Brai almost everyday. We also ate some fabulous food and noticed that local fashion is very cool; lots of color! We did spot a few kugels though..yikes! Driving everywhere we had to get used to traffic lights being called robots and tipping a parking attendant everywhere we went. But everything was easy to get used to when you are not sweating, eating yummy food, outside and loving it, enjoying time with the body of Christ, and with friends. And amazing worship services where we got our dance on! We did not want to leave but we gathered and smashed all our katundu in our suitcases and were off...back to our island.

cupcakes on the beach....life is good!

hanging with "Gaga" (Chloe's Mom) ....Anni liked to call her "Lady Gaga" and it was too precious to correct

And yes, McD's again...no judgement please!

first sushi ever in Cape Town with my china Chloe (and our sun burnt faces)

J & Tim catching some waves (I opted for catching a latte on the beach with the kiddos this time)

"babies" as Evy lovingly called them were everywhere

the boys working on the Brai..hard work can't you tell?

I love that being barefoot is totally acceptable EVERYWHERE in SA...my watoto fit in!

And have I mentioned that my kids are travel rock stars?? I guess traversing continents will do that to you, hey?

And here is a random and poor quality (b/c of uploading capabilities here) video montage of some moments....

And with that I complete my homage to our time in South Africa! It was a pleasure! Cheers!

Mwaka Mpya

2012-01-01T08:56:00.008-06:00

New Year.

Instead of ringing in 2012 with a late night and cocktails we opted for waking early and kool-aid with jigglers. And it was perfect.

May we all experience more peace, love, grace, hope, and joy as we chase after Jesus this year. Happy New Year.

Robben Island

2011-12-30T03:39:00.011-06:00

As an admitted history nerd I really wanted to visit Robben Island before we left Cape Town. I studied race relations in college and remember reading a lot about South Africa. As we saw everywhere there are many reminders of the inequality and scars that apartheid has left on this beautiful but troubled nation. Jason and I visited this place that Nelson Mandela and many others spent year imprisoned because of their beliefs and actions against the government.

It was time well spent in learning and in remembrance.

our tour guide was imprisoned here for 7 years because he was accused of terrorism against the apartheid government.

room that once held up to 60 men

18 of his 27 years in prison in this room. Tragic and amazing that a human spirit can survive and even live to thrive and lead after such challenges.

We were the last tour of the day and as we walked back to the ferry a man was lowering the flag. That felt like the perfect ending to our time in South Africa.

I stand here before you not as a prophet but as a humble servant of you, the people. Your tireless and heroic sacrifices have made it possible for me to be here today. I therefore place the remaining years of my life in your hands.

~ Nelson Mandela. Speech on the day of his release, Cape Town (11 February 1990)

time with my man...more on SA

2011-12-29T02:02:00.004-06:00

So now that I am back and sweating (did I mention that already?) and have already visited all the neighbors as required, attended one funeral, and taken a friend to the hospital I am reimescining about our time of relaxing and eating and being cool in South Africa. So you will just have to tolerate my ramblings and gushing and posting billions of photos of our time there for a couple more posts....I promise.

Our friends graciously offered to add our girls to their troop of watoto for a few days so we could venture out as a couple- I know they are awesome!! And as anyone who has small kids knows those moments, hours, days without kiddos in tow are a gift to your marriage- just to focus on us. I love my husband I tell you.....

Tim and Chloe graciously booked us 2 nights at a Westin hotel in Cape Town using their points. We so felt like complete out of place posers but we did not let that stop us from enjoying every minute. And check me out wearing jeans..holla!! The view of the city was awesome and the breakfast food was so yummy ( a bit of blue cheese may or may not have made its way inside my purse for later). Being complete urban-ites we loved every minute of wandering around the city. The first day we got up early and decided to climb Table Mountain.

except no one told us (nor are we smart enough to read up on it) that that hike is NO JOKE!! Straight up StairMaster for a few hours but it was amazing to enjoy being outside.

We hiked most of it with a man that kept yelling in Xhosa, shared his water with us since we ran out an hour in, and remarked about 2 hours in "only baboons should climb this!" South Africans are so friendly and funny in our experience...maybe it was the thin mountain air but we were feeling such camaraderie climbing with everyone.

we made it to the top!! it was freezin' up there especially to us island dwellers!

amazing views of Cape Town

we opted for the tram down and we met some Kiswahili speakers working there!

That night we even met a couple from...wait for it...Chicago in the pool! He also went to U of I and works for Jason's old company- I know right!

my first blow dry in over 6 months!! appreciating the small stuff y'all!

our view from our corner room over the city

We took the advice of 3 couples who all lived in Cape Town and ate at Blue's restaurant on this adorable ocean side strip.

Ask J if it was worth it? First steak in months!! We seriously had some of the best food of our lives in Cape Town!!

We also ventured to a small town about an hour outside the city called Franschhoek. It had lots of cute shops, restaurants, coffee shops, vineyards, orchards, and amazing views of the mountains.

Jason indulged me by going on a horseback tour of the countryside. I grew up riding horses and miss it so much.

J with Peter- our trail guide who in addition to spending a good twenty minutes railing against the dangers of eating garlic gave us many memorable quotes during our two hours togther...

upon meeting us he gasped and said completely shocked "you are one of the lucky ones" and then he went onto explain that all Americans are horribly fat and he was glad we made it out unscathed.

on wedding planning....."girls are so bloody stupid with their weddings"

on parenting....."children mostly cry for no reason and they need a good hiding that's all!" He also gave us the history of South Africa according to Peter.. interesting!

We met some characters I am telling you....one of the many reasons I love traveling.

gotta love Africa..rules are more of guidelines really

we stopped at one winery and the views were amazing....

the vino was pretty good too!

after our trail ride I asked if I could gallop a bit in their pastures because I miss riding so much....

it was a surreal kind of awesome with the thudding of the horses hooves and mountains as a backdrop....still have the bruises on my shins to prove it.

These few days of just us were a gift.

more Christmas island style

2011-12-28T04:59:00.003-06:00

We spent Christmas sweating profusely, eating tacos with friends, unwrapping a few gifts (some sent from far away-thanks!), sharing sweets with friends, and celebrating with some other Wazungu we know here. We love Jesus and we are grateful God saw fit to send Him to this broken world to restore, offer joy and hope, and to show us what love is.

Here is some of our Christmas this year...

revealing the last door

new dress made by a friend & angel face paint because why not?

it is more blessed to give than to receive...sharing zawadi

Christmas tree & friends

and this year's pinata....Anni was a bit excited to show off her dirty hands..sorry Asya!

dry & decorated we were ready to go!

Evy was VERY into whacking it...and I love that a diaper and new shoes are acceptable Christmas attire here

sharing the fruits of our labor

and singing "Happy Birthday" with friends to our dear Jesus.

Hope your Christmas was blessed and filled with Joy!

our family

2011-12-26T08:03:00.010-06:00

While in South Africa we roped Chloe into taking some family pictures of us looking like "our own selves" as Anni called it (ie. without island garb) and by unanimous vote this was the winner....

but I gotta say I loved some of the out takes too.....

but most of all I love these watoto and my amazing husband. God is good to me.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T21:32:00.004-06:00

Christmas is here!! We are missing family tons right now especially since my grandmother is very sick and I am not there. Talked to her yesterday and prayed with my mom but the distance feels far...really far today. We love you all and miss you all so much!

We went to a local church today, opened some pressies, baked some cookies and a birthday cake for Jesus, and shared treats with our neighbors. After we finished our Advent celebration Annikah wanted to perform a dance for Jesus and I was keenly aware these are the moments I want to always remember.....

Krismasi njema sana!

advent in the heart & home guest post

2011-12-23T06:30:00.033-06:00

Today I am a guest blogger over at my fabulous friend (since high school) Annalea's creative and inspiring blog...check it out! Cool right? Here is my post:

When Annie asked me to be a part of this series I was pumped but initially thought that our celebration here on a small island that most people cannot locate on a map was too “small” and lacking in so many “Christmas-y” norms like twinkling lights, hot cocoa, and candlelight carols.

But as always the Lord spoke to me and reminded me that He is what it is about. That preparing our hearts during Advent can look different and yet still retain the anticipation of our coming Savior. It will look different as people of all tribes and tongues know and follow Him across the world and praise Him for diversity. We are all only called to follow after Jesus with everything in our being and allow His spirit to give us peace as we travel along as families. That was freeing.

Be you and be sold out, crazy in love with Jesus! It also occurred to me that our Christmas now is actually much more similar to the first Christmas simply because we have chickens and goats outside our windows, we live with people that are mostly farmers and fishermen who have never heard what the angel proclaimed that night. Grateful for new perspective.

And the consumerism and the materialism can get in the way for me of what we are really anticipating (although for reals I would love me some cold day peppermint mocha drinking, fuzzy sock wearing snuggling on the couch to Christmas music right about now). Although we miss our family and friends and all things known to us we are grateful God brought us here. God took our family to this place to learn to simplify, to learn to ask why and what we celebrate and how we can prepare for His coming when no one around us is and how that can be meaningful for our family and focus our eyes on Jesus. The process of asking and seeking has been a blessing. God is doing a work in us to change us and to help us learn to rely more and more everyday on His promises.

I love seeing how others celebrate and anticipate His coming so thanks everyone for sharing! Here is a bit of what we do as a family to prepare our hearts and our home for the birth that changed the world and is still changing us today…

We read a devotion and open a little kanga bag with an ornament for our advent tree each day. I am not a crafty mama but I sewed these simple ornaments with help from various women in my neighborhood and we hang them on a banana leaf baobab tree we found in town. We started this last year in the absence of other advent calendars and it has become a family favorite. Amazing to see our kid's understanding of the devotions grow each year.

This year we received an always-fabulous-and-glee inducing package from dear friends (thanks Emily and Scott and fam!) with an amazingly beautiful book: The Advent Book by Jack and Kathy Stockman. Opening the ornate doors and reading along will definitely stay as a family tradition.

We also started a family tradition of making a pinata with kids from our neighborhood and telling about the angel's message to Mary. It takes a couple days to dry in this humidity before we can decorate but it is oh-so-worth-the-wait to some little watoto. I love using our resourcefulness and creativity as a family to celebrate and share the experience and blessing with others.(these photos are from last year as tomorrow is the day for this year's angel)

We have learned so much from the people we are privileged to live among and they have taught us to celebrate in ways meaningful here. In the culture on our island giving and receiving blessing is of the utmost importance and it is especially meaningful to visit people and share food. On Christmas each year we always bake or buy some kind of special treat and visit everyone around us sharing that we are celebrating the birth of the Messiah.

This year a guest from Canada brought us some candy canes that we too fabulous not to share. The special "spicy" (as our friends here called it) candies were shepherd staffs, the first to hear about the news. More info on the meaning here.

We will then read the story of the first Christmas from His Word in English and Kiswahili: of the miracles, of the fear, of the danger, of the fulfillment, of the rejoicing, of the worship, and of the joy. And usually this involves some breaking up of sister smack-downs or some unexpected visitors but those too are moments that belong to Him.

Moments that are common where we live and in a stage of life we now enjoy. And we will rejoice in it and be grateful we have feisty girls and many friends and ask God for more grace and love and joy in everything. And then we will open the bag to reveal baby Jesus.

And that changes everything. Krismasi Njema from Africa.

family fun day

2011-12-22T10:59:00.010-06:00

We woke the girls one morning and told them we had a family Christmas present to "open." In our continued quest to squeeze all things we cannot do island side into two weeks we headed to an amusement park that was tiny compared to Six Flags or Disney but also an eighth of the price.......hence its allure! But it might as well been Disney to our girls who skipped and shrieked in glee upon entering. Annikah rode every roller coaster she could (and that was quite a few since Africa seems to be a much more lenient on all things safety) and Evy could not get enough of driving the little cars (she even charmed the women working the ride to allow her to go again and again without waiting in line).

Anni's first "big girl" roller coaster....Evy kept showing her entrance band and saying "me" but even here they have their limits...pole Evy!

Evy drives the fam around

mandatory cheesy smile self take on the merry-go-round.

Good Family times!

guess who is TWO???

2011-12-21T10:37:00.008-06:00

This little girl who we affectionately call "Mtundu" (naughty one) or Bean or Evy Imani turned two today!! We did not celebrate much as we are staying at a shady little guest house by the airport waiting for our flight tomorrow but we did go out to find some food and stopped by a park and then with no warning got caught in a hail storm on our way home.....that was adventurous! There was also stripping down and running through a fountain which is pretty festive if you ask me. Anni suggested that we not go to jail for Evy's birthday and we all thought that was a great idea; yep sketchy park way better!

Happy Birthday my sweet, feisty little Evy Imani. We shall properly celebrate island side!

the big and the small

2011-12-20T06:09:00.005-06:00

One of my favorite days in a long time.

We are so keenly aware that the world is not the same for everyone. That life is filled with challenge, struggle, hardship, and suffering. We live in a place where this is vividly clear and cannot be avoided. This is actually a gift to our family because it has changed us and made us more thankful. And the times we can enjoy and breath deep and take in and catch glimpses of His beauty should be savoured, druken in, and dripping in gratitude. This time here in South Africa has been that for us.
Having to struggle a bit (so small in comparison to many but for us still rough at times) in our daily lives island side makes this time as a family even more special, even more of a gift. Struggle makes joy sweeter. I have a new sense of gratitude for all things big and small ....like fabulously gooey feta cheese and amazing gorgeous unspoiled mountains rising out of the ocean.......things that cause praise to rise in my gut and celebration in my soul y'all!

One of our days in Cape Town was spent seeing all we could squeeze in between the hours of 7am and 7pm with 5 kids in tow. We started the with a doctor appointment (classic us) as Jason has an ear infection but were soon on our way. Chloe was our crazy tour director as we tried to keep up with her lead footed driving, her joy for the beauty around us of her homeland, and some frantic hand waving directions. see...

first stop Muizenberg to book aforementioned and enjoyed surf lessons...and to scarf some cupcakes on the beach...

Then we stopped at Boulders Beach...

for some serious penguin watching (ok chasing)

there was picnicing with penguins, swimming in our clothes, gathering seaweed in abundance, burning our noses, and chatting with others on holiday

then we piled back in and continued on to Cape Point....

we entered the National park with these crazy watoto hyped up on fresh air and adventure..

we parked the cars and made the hike to the top....the kids did amazing too after endless pee breaks and lots of discussion about no complaining rules.

the hardcore kids who bravely made the trek to the top (one barefoot as we lost shoes at one of the previous pit stops) They were richly rewarded with breath taking views...and chocolate cookies!

wild, unspoiled beauty of creation. I can still smell it. The Indian and Atlantic Oceans meet.

we made it up....

and back down!! We were only sorta acting for this pic as we were tired y'all (especially since we carried the stroller much of the way)

then we headed to one more beach-Long Beach

and decided to feed the hungry scalawags because they were being such rock stars.....calamari & feta cheese pizza for all!

we continued on through amazingly gorgeous landscape for the best viewing of the city of Cape Town...overlooking the city with some of my fav people...

one of my favorite memories of this trip was pulling off the road to catch a view of the city and hearing this amazing and loud African music. There was a whole bus load of people who had parked and were dancing and singing while the sun was setting over the city. Anni squeezed my hand and said "let's go dance with them Mama" like right there was where she belonged. I think it kinda was....

ok me too....

J took this video on his phone....you can hear the strong wind, the beautiful singing, and see the joyful dancing and stunning views....

We made it back with sunburned faces and dirty cars and exhausted kids but this was an amazing day. As we were driving the home stretch in the car we were blaring praise music and Jason and I both started crying. Because we were so overwhelmed with gratefulness for our lives, for God's creation, His kindness, His provision to allow our family to experience this all. Everything was stunning. We are small...God is big.

the aquarium, slushies, and friends

2011-12-17T07:20:00.008-06:00

We have so been enjoying exploring this place together because it allows for so many opportunities that we just do not have at home. And admittedly we have been indulging a bit and it is refreshing and fabulous. Especially because our friend and native tour guide Chloe has been showing us all the best places and funkiest digs. Exploring with someone who knows the joint is always best and is fun for us because she loves this place so much and loves sharing it with us. You do get to understand people better when you see where the come from and this place is beautiful. Our girls are so enjoying being with their kids and this family time is so good for my soul. Last week we checked out the Cape Town Aquarium and walked around the waterfront. Here is a bit of our adventures....

Annikah did ask if we could eat the fish after looking at them for a while but that is what fish are for in our bit of Africa.

girlfriends, sunshine, and slushies..really what else do we need?

"simply divine" as Chloe would say

saying goodbye

2011-12-16T06:41:00.003-06:00

We all attended the funeral together. Thanks to everyone who prayed. So many people from his life here gathered and said goodbye and Tim gave an amazing tribute to his father during which he managed to hold it together while I sobbed and tried to keep Evy from ripping and ravaging the pew hymnals. The officianant spoke of the New Heaven and Earth. He spoke about how amazingly giving Tim's father was but that he is with God not because he was a good person but because he has a Good Savior. True. We watched videos and saw pictures of his life. It was a privilege and an honor to be there for our friends. Watching others deal with loss and grief and giving of themselves so generously is amazing, inspiring, and spurs me on. I cannot begin to describe how grateful we are that God saw fit to bring us here, allow us to stay longer and to be a part of this all. We have been able to serve our friends in small ways and we pray this is a blessing to them as well.

I managed to borrow some dresses from Chloe to dress my scalawags properly for the occasion and they played and acted silly and were kids and the normalcy was just right.

Today both our families went to the beach again for more surfing and family good time. Breathing it all in. More soon...

experiencing loss & life together

2011-12-14T00:14:00.023-06:00

Tim and Chloe are our dear friends. Covenant friends. Jason has known Tim for the longest, even before they got married. I met Chloe soon after and I knew we were meant to be friends. She is one of those people whose joy is evident. She lives her life outloud for Jesus and wants others to be richly blessed. Tim has a strength and character that draws people to him. His leadership and wisdom combined with her vision and courage allows God to use them in mighty ways. They got married and moved from South Africa to Chicago ten years ago and God knew we needed them. As we shared with them last week they are a huge part of the reason we followed God's call to come here. We saw in their lives that God can do mighty things through His people. That He does not use those people that are well equipped but that He equips those that are willing to lay down and be used for His glory. Through the weak but willing made strong by His grace. As Chloe says often we are "iron sharpening iron"and able to share and always pick up where we left off. They are real and hard-core and we love being with their family and doing life together. We have a new understanding of what it costs to leave your home and follow His calling; both the costs and the immense joy and fulfillment. Being here with them for these two weeks has been a gift. Seeing the way they are caring for their family in difficult circumstances inspires us to love that way and drives us to pray. At times we have felt we should vacate and give them space but it has been confirmed that God knew this would all unfold now. We desperately needed this time away from our island to process and pray and be with friends. Changes we have felt coming have further been confirmed now for us. It has been His timing. That even when life is messy we can be there for each other. That these times are actually when showing up in real, unshiny, unplanned ways means something. Tim's father passed away a few days ago. He actually got the call while we were at dinner, his first time out in weeks. His passing is pain for their family and also joy because he felt Jesus' presence until the end. I am reminded that we do not get to see the full picture on earth of just what God has in store for those who love Him but we do have hope. A hope that is certain and eternal. I am thinking about this even more in this time of advent where we prepare for the coming of Savior. The funeral is today at 2pm and our original flight was leaving at 4pm. We would miss being there by a couple hours. We prayed for an opportunity to change that would not cost us money we simply do not have. Jason tried to call for days and tried to change our flight. We had resigned our efforts yesterday afternoon after another attempt seemed fruitless. The airline even hung up on him! He explained one last time that if there was anything they could do to help us be here for the funeral we would be so grateful and we prayed. A few hours later during a horseback ride through vineyards yesterday (pics will be forthcoming as it was awesome) Jason's phone rang and they had found a flight for us- next week! We can stay for no additional costs except changing our local South African flight! A miracle! Thank you God! We can be here to try to support and love on our friends that have sacrificed for us time and time again! That is a gift.

surfing lessons....memories of wiping out.

2011-12-10T01:44:00.001-06:00

One morning this week we piled in the car bright and early and went for surfing lessons at Muizenberg Beach. The scenery was absolutely gorgeous and Chloe offered to wrangle the five kids on the beach and take pictures while Jason, I, and Chloe and Tim's oldest son Jethro took surfing lessons for an hour and a 1/2. Yes, she gets rockstar award! It was my first go at surfing and I can now confirm it is not my calling in life. Fun but hard work for sure!! And I would like to state that if surfing on your knees was a sport I would be just marvelous at it. Unfortunately for me since the object of real surfing is to actually stand for more than 2 seconds I am afraid it is simply not my sport. I still had an amazing time wiping out again and again (except for one incidence when the board hit my head...shame!). My nickname may be "Roxy" but my tall self with big hips was not on my side in this particular water adventure. Jason and Jethro faired much better but how could you not enjoy surfing or wiping out repeatedly (in my case) against this backdrop? Amazing opportunity! Surf's up dude!

much easier on the sand....

Go J!!

see...I did manage to get up and then a not-so-graceful wipe out

meanwhile back on the beach....

and a police helicopter landed right near us...

bringing it in

wanna-be sufers

SA so far......

2011-12-09T06:17:00.002-06:00

Ok, South Africa is amazing. And we got over the whole 'throw us in jail' thing quite quickly after having a McD's drive thru and walking up a mountain in amazingly refreshing fresh air. Like we say "we can't believe THIS is Africa" at least 3 times a day. At least it is far from "our" corner of Africa yet there are reminders of the incredible difficulties and pain this nation has been through everywhere. More on that later.

We are enjoying some Western treats and rather spoiling ourselves with malls, shops, food, friends that speak English, family time, tagging along for horse back riding at a Bday party, beaches, cool weather, exercising outside everyday, and scenery that has already made me cry three times. It is seriously that beautiful. If you have never been to South Africa you are missing out!! Book a flight NOW (just remember you vaccination cards, hey?) We are indulging a bit and thanking God for providing these experiences for our family. All of this is even more precious because it is rare for us in this season and it makes us so so grateful!

We are staying with our dear friends Tim and Chloe and they have been such a gift to us. It is particularly a blessing as they are going through a very challenging time because Tim's father is dying. Watching the sacrifice and love with which he cares for his family points directly to their love for Jesus and gives us more reasons to thank God for them and pray for them. Join me please! Being with them also gives us so much more insight and depth of understanding about where they come from and how difficult it was for them to follow God's call to America. We have offered to vacate but I actually think us all being together is a blessing for all of us and brings some normalcy. We are staying for free at Chloe's parent's house and it is fabulous; it belongs in a magazine. It is just divine (as the South Africans would say!) Jason makes fun of me daily because I have now added the following to my vocabulary: shame (used like pole in Kiswahili or "that sucks"), cheers, hey (at the end of statement to turn them into a question like our "right?"), hectic (used like "crazy" to describe anything that is chaotic and given that we tote around 5 kids at all times we use this one a lot!), and pleasure (said in response to 'thanks').

Ok, enough gushing...here are some pics of the fabulous-ness.......

2 little girls say "Thank you God for McD's"

arcade games rule.....

just ask Anni

a mall.....a real mall!

everything is sweeter with dear friends

Bday girl is on the right

horse back riding down the public streets at the Bday party!!

this house is A-MA-ZING!!!

spaces for tea parties....

playing with friends.....

picking flowers in the gardens....

and dogs to chase......

Thank you Lord for this time!

holy Western stuff batman!!!

2011-12-08T06:15:00.001-06:00

just a quick note to say we are quite enjoying our time in SA post jail time!! It is amazing! Lots of Western goodness...lattes & family time & friends & fabulous-ness...more soon!

add to the list...

2011-12-04T05:54:00.036-06:00

So after the past few days I can now add to the ever growing list of things I never thought I would experience but thanks to Africa have……

Detained, imprisoned, and almost deported!!!

First let me say I am writing this listening to the waves crash on amazingly jet black smooth rocks just outside a quaint little house just outside Cape Town with our dear friends Tim and Chloe. We are safe and blessed and although 2 days late we arrived safely here and are enjoying this time more than I can express. I awoke this morning and had my first look at the ocean and tears just flowed because I am grateful in a new way for being here as a family.

It has been a long 3 days to be sure and here is the sorted tale. We traveled from our island to Dar and checked in and boarded the flight from Dar to Jo'burg.

the girls at the Dar airport before the drama began

The girls were too excited to sleep and we were decompressing from the last few weeks so we did not rest much either on the flight to South Africa. After arriving at around 1am in Jo'burg we followed the lines to immigration to have our passports stamped and our plan was to head to a cheap hotel for a few hours sleep and then catch our flight to Cape Town in the morning. The official read and scanned everything and then asked for our yellow fever vaccination cards. Our hearths sank as we specifically left them back at home because we were told all we needed to enter South Africa was our passports. We have lived in Africa long enough to know you don't walk around with important documents and a tourist target on your back. Nor did the airline ever check for the vaccination cards when we checked in in Dar. We were then told to wait a minute and escorted to "Port Health" with another man from our flight that also did not have a card. We started asking questions and were told to just wait while they filled out paperwork. The other employee surfed facebook and laughed at us while we tried to explain that of course we have yellow fever because we live in Tanzania and have traveled to the US (and it is a requirement there). We asked if we could get re-vaccinated or send proof right then via a fax or scan of the originals. They flatly refused to even listen and said this is a new policy (about 6 months) because of the yellow fever outbreaks in several other African nations. After 20-30 minutes we were escorted up to the immigration office with 2 other guys; a Czech guy living in Tanzania and a guy from the Congo who was working in Chicago (small world eh?). They started filling out more paperwork and asked us just to sit in a room. Still no one was explaining what was happening to us and Jason and the other men were asked to sign a document that said he was an undesirable person. He refused to sign it as we had committed no crime! The portion stating we did not have a vaccination card was hand-written onto the document! It was super shady and we just knew something was not right. The woman then said they would be deporting us on the next flight back to Tanzania and that the decision was already made and we could do nothing to change it. It seriously was like a bad dream and no one would even listen to us. The girls were both crying and I was beginning to come unraveled at hearing that but tried to manage to get myself together and asked if they could get some water and use a bathroom as it was now well past 2 am. They sent the girls and I with a guard to another place in the airport and after using the bathroom I asked a guard there if we could get some water or if there was a place the girls could lay down since they were so exhausted. A man and a woman started yelling at me that I was not even supposed to be there yet and my paperwork had not arrived and that I would be immediately escorted back. I even said I have small children please understand they need sleep and water and she responded "I don't care, everyone has small children!" I seriously could not believe we were being treated like criminals over a vaccination card. It was surreal and the girls and I just started praying while they took us back to Jason. He was still waiting and trying to reason that at least only he should be deported and then return with the cards so the girls and I would not have to board a plane again but instead we could be kept in custody until he returned. We also tried to explain how long we had saved for this trip and if they deported all of us we could not afford to return. Nothing seemed to matter to the people and after more paperwork and more vague answers we were escorted to a facility in the bowels of the airport where they detain and imprison people that are terrorist threats, break international law, or have fraudulent documents. Our Tanzanian phones did not work in South Africa as we planned to buy sim cards when we got into the shops at the airport- we never made it but in an amazing miracle the Czech guy with us spoke Kiswahili and called his girlfriend who said she would try to get a hold of Hans our team leader and at least let him know where we were and to contact the embassy. After patting me and the girls down and taking mugshots they confiscated all our belongings and told me to say goodbye to Jason as he would be locked up with the other men and the girls and I would be separated from him. We were then taken to a room that had a couple bunk beds and thankfully a bathroom. We had no access to our phones, watches, clothes in our luggage, toothbrushes, even pens! I only had 1 diaper left in my carry-on and they would not get me more or even bring the girls and I water even though Evy was crying for milk. They locked us in and turned off the lights from the outside of the room. It was terrible. Anni was scared and so we talked about what Silas and Paul did when they were in prison (a story we had just read a week ago during family time) and Anni said "They sang to God!" so that is just what we did until both girls fell asleep. We sang praises to God. And of course our reason for being jailed was quite different it nonetheless felt scary and horrible and completely out of our control. After the girls fell asleep I sat on the tile floor in the bathroom and cried for a long while. The girls did not sleep well but morning came and I had no idea what time it was as we had all our clocks taken away and there were no windows in the room. I tried to entertain them and they did put us in a "family room" which meant it a broken rocking horse and two kids chairs. But somehow the fish wearing shoes painted on the wall did not do much to make the situation seem better. Although let me say clearly if I had to chose an African nation to be jailed in it would for sure be South Africa! We were grateful for hot showers which are something we do not have at home so to pass time we took 3 showers that day. They let us out for food and although some other people refused to eat it we actually thought the pasta was yummy.

We were let out of our room and reunited with Jason who did not get a wink of sleep, being worried about what was happening to the girls and locked in with the loudest snorer he's ever heard in his life! The people explained that we would be deported on the 11pm flight that night. We were beginning to lose hope that anything would work out and as the hours ticked away we knew we were missing our flight to Cape Town and our situation was not looking great. We prayed for favor in this craziness. God was amazing as the day crew brought new workers and one was Riaina; a mother of an 8 month old boy named Mohammed and she actually listened to us, gave us diapers, water, allowed Jason to join us in our room, cereal for the girls, and allowed us to talk to the embassy. The US embassy basically gave us a big 'pole sana' and said they could not do anything; we were on our own. The Tanzania airline never came to see us or discuss our situation and we were told they rarely do help their passengers at all. We talked with Riaina and asked if we could give someone money to buy a South African phone line for our phone and call our island to see if someone could send the Yellow fever cards as that was our only hope of actually being released and able to stay for our holiday. Finally the manager agreed to allow a guard to escort Jason to buy a phone line and even let Anni and Evy watch a cartoon on his TV in the office. Jason spoke with Hans and vaguely and quickly explained where the cards were (hidden in our safe room deep under clothes and the room was locked and the key was somewhere in the kitchen in a drawer b/c we wanted to make if our house was broken into they were well hidden). It would be a miracle if they found them at all let alone got them on the few flights that day and the ONE flight arriving in Jo'burg before the deportation flight at 11pm. The manager also told us we had a right to speak to the airline since it was their fault and they are responsible for us. Our airline refused to come and never sent anyone to help us. The manager also said maybe we could convince a rep from Kenya Airways to come and if by chance we got a women named Dorcas she really cared and has a good relationship with Port Health and knows the procedures. He explained that even if our yellow fever cards arrived Port Health would probably still deny us entry to the country as they assume late cards are forged or faked. Yep, things just kept getting better!

But it was our only shot to not be deported, lose all our money saved for this trip, and end up back on our island with no family holiday. We prayed for Dorcas to walk through that door and about an hour she did. She said she would go try to help us and ask Port Health about accepting our cards if they did in fact make it on the flight arriving at 10:30pm. Amazingly Dorcas returned and reported that the people at Port Health agreed that if our cards made it before the 11pm flight and they were up to date we would be released. So we waited and waited.

That was a long day. We tried to entertain the girls, read, sleep but we never had any idea what was coming next, what time it was, or what would happen. We were wrecked. We were all lying down resting and Annikah said "Mama and Papa, jail is NOT my favorite place ever!" We all busted up laughing. True. So true. But seriously all we could do was pray. It was out of our hands completely and staying would require amazing favor and God intervening in a big way!

We all tried to get some sleep before 10pm and after we had finally gotten the girls to sleep someone came in at around 9pm and turned the lights on and yelled at us through the tiny window in the door "What should we do if no one comes?" I about lost it at this point because now both girls were awake, crying, and we had absolutely no confidence that they knew anything of what was going on. I explained the manager had told me is was my right to call the airline to ask if the flight was on time and if the cards had made it. They refused us anything. Even a tearful plea to call the embassy was denied. So we just had to return to our room and we showered (again) and put back on our same clothes. Think funky chupis y'all. And waited to hear. They unlocked our cells and let us and the Czech guy out and told us to wait on some benches for news. At about 10:45pm a representative from our airline came with our cards in his hand!! He only spoke in Xhosa to the other workers so we still had no idea what was happening (despite a sign on the wall saying speaking in English was required by law) but we requested to go get us cleared with Port Health and let us leave. He left and we waited again. At 5 minutes to 11pm another man came with boarding passes in hand and told us we were being deported along with the Czech guy. The workers unlocked all our belongings and we were told to follow him to board the flight. We explained our vaccination cards had arrived and that we were allowed to stay. He insisted we were going with him to board the plane. Jason told him we would go with him but unless they physically forced us on the plane we would not board it as our passports and cards with with this other guy and they are our property! We started walking through the corridors of the airport towards the flight praying and praying. Anni was begging us to let her stay and not get back on the plane. It was totally and always was in God's hands and I felt this sense He would do something in the last minute; not because He has a flair for the dramatic but because we needed to trust even when things looked impossible. Because our God is the God of the impossible!

About 3 minutes before the flight took off the first guy finally came back with our passports and cards and said we were cleared. I cannot explain adequately the relief I felt in that moment. It was amazing. As the flight took off (with our Czech friend who we have already invited to come stay with us on our island so we can have rousing "this is my friend from my time in the clink" stories) we waited and waited again for an immigration officier to stamp our passports. The man in front of us in line was from Kenya and had just arrived and after being asked for his vaccination card he responded he did not have it and was escorted to the same fate as us. Pole sana! We finally got our passports stamped and were free! We did a family dance through the airport that will forever be known as the "we are out of jail romp." We headed towards baggage in the hopes our luggage was still there because we had been told it had already been sent back to Tanzania. When I saw the guy wheel our bags out I hugged him without thinking. It was that much of a relief. We grabbed the first free shuttle we saw and headed to a hotel to sleep. They even gave us a slightly reduced rate because of our tale of being jailed with two kids. We slept, ate a fabulous breakfast, and headed back to the airport. Because we missed our flight to Cape Town and never called to cancel (umm, becuase we were in jail with no phones!) they gave us a pole as well and we had to pay full rate and be on stand by. We did not make it on the first two flights of the day but after our amazing friend in Cape Town called they put us on the 5pm flight. We got our rental car and after an hour and half drive pulled into a beach home on the Atlantic Ocean with our dear friends. We made it y'all!! A couple days delayed and exhausted and a bit traumatized but grateful.

Reflecting today there are several things we have learned from the last few days. The first being we will take those flippin' cards everywhere we go from now on regardless of what we are told by people who may or may not know what they are talking about. More importantly we are a resilient family and we come together and can praise Him even when things do not look so great and His grace is sufficient. And finally we have awesome friends; near and far who prayed and prayed, searched our house with limited direction and found and sent the cards, called the airlines and the embassy on our behalf, negotiated a lower flight price for us to finally get here, and love us dearly. And of course over everything God is good and in control and worthy of our trust. Always.

J at immigration before they confiscated our stuff

our girls finally at the hotel at 1am after our 24 hours stint in the clink

Anni & her new friend checking out the rocks in Cape Town today

happy & shiny me...I like the gorgeous coast in cape Town WAY better than the jail in Jo'burg!! A few days delayed but here is to a fabulous family holiday....as they say here "Cheers!"

yesterday & tomorrow

2011-11-30T02:17:00.012-06:00

Yesterday the girls and I were in a village shaking trees to get a bounty of sweet tangerines and sitting on mats chatting with friends. It has been a busy week. Like I am exhausted kinda week. Lots of hospital visits (for friends not us), visiting, finishing up courses, meeting with teachers, saying goodbye to dear friends, and having guests.

But that was all yesterday....

Tomorrow (technically as we get in somewhere around 1am) we will be in South Africa!

where are we going this family of ours?

2011-11-29T17:30:00.004-06:00

A few months back I was feeling a bit restless. My frustration drove me to start asking tough questions about where are we going as a family. Some of these were rolling around my brain.... How do each of us have a special unique place in this family and still in our calling as a whole family unit? How do we steer in the direction we want to go and not allow the days to slip away? How do we navigate the seemingly endless sea of "great stuff to do" to find the best thing for us? How do we make the most of the time we have at this moment right now? How can we foster an environment of acceptance and love and yet also challenge each other to follow God's call no matter where that takes each one of us? How do we follow where ever He leads and help raise children who are fearless of the world but fear God?

It hit me that Anni was a baby like... yesterday and I do not want to wake up one morning with teenagers and wonder where the time went or wished we would have taken more time to be together as family. We want to foster an openness with our kids so that even when they think we are nerds (or worse) they know for sure we love and value them. That they are special , unique creations that are prized by their Creator and by us. It won't happen by accident or because we really, really hope for it. We need God's grace. And we want to be better at seeking Him as a family. Together.

So, out of all this asking came some well spent time reflecting, praying, and in the end a family mission statement. When J and I got married way back in the caveman days we wrote a mission statement for our marriage. It still hangs on our fridge, albeit food splattered and worn having traveled across continents. We decided to create a new statement based on us right now and what we want for our family in the future. I was inspired by my old college roomie and friend from high school in a post she wrote a while back. I found these suggestions and these too very helpful in asking questions and guiding our discussion and jump starting us in writing our own.

J and I discussed, prayed, and talked about where we are going as a family and where we want to be going and how we do not think we will get there without vision and action. What values we want to permeate our home and lives. How each moment is to be savored in the now and each moment in the future is to be anticipated with joy. And how we need to reflect, learn, struggle, celebrate, and give thanks as a family.

So in the hopes of maybe inspiring someone out there to find their own family's mission here is ours (made all fancy by a FB friend in cyberspace- thanks Amy!). Not perfect, probably too wordy, but ours.......

Each week we are also doing a family meeting that begins with some enthusiastic bell ringing by Annikah and ends with us eating ice cream together. But it is the time in between that has been life giving (even if we have to break up the occasional sister slap down).

We read our vision statement and scripture and then everyone answers these questions (ok, to be fair Evy mostly grunts and throws things).....

1. What was the best part of your week?

2. What was the hardest part of your week?

3. Can anyone here help you in anything going on?

4. Do I need forgiveness from anyone here?

5. What is going on in God's world right now? (We talk about a country or people or world news and then pray)

6. What is God teaching me right now?

7. What will I do this week to love God and love people more?

Then we read any scripture pertaining to what we discuss. We also have a special family meeting board hanging in our dining room where anyone can write something they want to ask or dicuss at family meeting. Anni always comes up with some great questions.....

We are recording family meeting minutes that already serve as a sweet reminder of just how good God is in our lives. We just take time as a family to breathe in life and try to help each other discern and understand and process. Our first family meeting Jason and I shared that for us the hardest thing right now was the sadness we feel about not being able to adopt from here. We were shocked when Annikah started crying and said she she wants the baby to come now too and feels so sad too. It was so amazing to process some of our grief about as a family and we honestly never would have known she was holding on to some sadness about it if we had not taken the time to just ask and listen.

So much of being a family is consumed by the daily "musts" and chaos but these are the moments we really get to see how incredibly blessed we are to walk this road together, as a family.

my little star

2011-11-28T05:40:00.000-06:00

Anni's class so pumped & waiting for everything to begin....

All the kids and teachers at Anni's school have been tirelessly preparing for the big graduation/plays/song end of the year performance for 2 weeks. And it was awesome!!

They moved it up a week so we could be there and we were so grateful! Plus, it meant I was an eager volunteer to help with anything and everything. The staff and I worked together on a play called "the Caterpillar's Voice" and I was able to simplify the English so they kids could memorize it. The teachers and I planned together, we practiced everyday, we shopped for fabric in town (with lots of detours to try on bracelets and headscarves). I love working with the teachers there as they are some pretty amazing ladies who love the kids.

On Saturday the whole school performed various skits, songs, and dances in front of all the parents. Anni's class did their stellar production complete with costumes and face paint (that I did in less than 10 minutes for 16 kids because they it would have melted off if we did it earlier and they wanted the surprise factor). The performance started over an hour late because of transport problems (big shock) but the kids could have cared less since they were so excited waiting for everything to begin. Annikah woke up early on Saturday and told us she was scared and so nervous but could not wait. We told her it is good to be nervous as it means you care about what you are doing but that she would do great! While she was on stage singing their songs I was kneeling taking pictures and overheard two women talking about how shocked they were that the little white kid knew all the Kiswahili songs. That is my girl!! Her class was so cute and despite one rather bizarre song about "AIDS killing many people" which although true was a bit odd for a bunch of 5 and 6 year olds to sing I thought the teachers did an awesome job. Each class performed songs, dances, skits educating people about health issues, and then Anni's classroom's drama. The audience loved the costumes and they turned out pretty adorable if I might say so myself (and I admit towards the end I hot glued a bunch spots of the frogs cuz I was that tired). Her teacher's mother did a great job sewing all the outfits in just 3 days. The evening finally ended way past dark when the power cut and the kids all gathered their homework for the one month break and their little gifts of juice and cheese puff-ish snacks. Once we collected a shoe less Evy running through the crowds of people were we were on our way (with a packed car of people needing rides of course). Anni told us it was her best day ever and I just want to remember the way she said it with her little smudged with paint face forever. We told her she rocked it and we were so proud of our little star rabbit! I was so amazed at how our daughter has fit in at this school where she is the only Mzungu or foreigner. Although especially at the beginning it was difficult and sometimes still is we are also seeing how many friendships she has built and how much fun she has with her classmates. We appreciate these experiences even more because they are rare here and we know God provides them. It really is a special time and we are so grateful for these moments for her!

all the parents gathered and ready

her class songs

after costume change...I love the nervous faces ready to go on....

last scene with all the animals

and applause please......taking their bows

African dancing

a skit about going to the doctor

my favorite animals

the cutest rabbits I've ever seen.....

2011-11-27T09:41:00.005-06:00

Anni was a total rock star in her school's graduation and end of the year celebration on Saturday night. More soon but this Mama still can't stop smiling!

English celebration & send off party!

2011-11-27T08:18:00.016-06:00

Friday was my last day of our Basic English course and everyone received their certificates at a party celebrating all they accomplished. As much as some days I feel stretched thin and overwhelmed by teaching English on top of everyday life here I can say for sure I love my students! We become like family. They were so pumped to celebrate and they should be because they worked hard and we had fun in our little English for beginners class! It is a privilege to see how excited people are to be a part of something that helps them reach their goals.

We also had a send-off party for Rich and Paula with everyone from Pamoja; staff, students, and special guests and of course a party would not be a party here without pilau and soda! There were thoughtfully prepared speeches by our students and a honored guest from the nearby college (who said something about Chinese food that I am still trying to figure out) and everyone had a chance to thank them and wish them well and many blessings as they embark on a new adventure in their lives. We will miss you guys!

the honored guests and some cute Wazungu kids who managed to nab a seat at the "important people" table

eating and drinking until we were stuffed!

automotive students with their certificates and Rich and Hans; 2 of their fearless leaders

Rich & Paula & baby girl Anna: you will be dearly missed at Pamoja and on this little island...Karibuni Tena!!!

a day for weddings

2011-11-26T07:44:00.001-06:00

This past Friday was C-R-A-Z-Y!! I had my last English where everyone shows up an hour late because they are busy getting dolled up for the occasion of receiving their well deserved certificates (photos to follow soon). Then there was a going away party for our dear friends Rich & Paula who are leaving in just a couple weeks after three years of living and working and loving here (yep, photos soon). I actually managed not to cry that day (but don't worry I made up for it today by blubbering like an idiot through my little send off speech at our team BBQ in their honor). We had to leave that celebration at Pamoja early to head out to a wedding of Jason's dear friend's little sister. As we drove to the wedding we saw at least 8 other wedding parties! Cars packed full with kanzu clad men with drums and beautifully brightly adorned women making their way to celebrate marriages on the auspicious Friday before the Islamic New Year. The streets were jammed packed and I have never seen so many weddings on one day!! We were asked to take pictures (I of the women and Jason of the men- he was even invited inside the mosque to take pictures of the charge to the groom..pretty amazing!). Here is a glimpse at the celebration because I love me some wedding photos of the beautiful people here....

one of many wedding parties we saw on the road

the women chanting & praying

the men in the mosque

amependeza...she has made herself beautiful

making it official

obligatory sitting on the bed looking sad picture

the girls and I hanging out after the wedding waiting to catch a glimpse of the bride leaving for her new home

kuzoea

2011-11-25T04:53:00.017-06:00

to become accustomed.

I realized last week I have been quite accustomed to this place. Things that would have seemed unbearable, strange, or different have some how creeped into my understanding of how the world works (at least in this corner of it).

I got to thinking about this transformation after a visit to a village the other day. We bounced along the ...let's call it a road.... while I dodged kids with no shoes darting across our path and steered clear of the rogue chickens, goats, and cows wandering about. We also stopped along the way to give four other women a "lifti" (lift- did I mention I love Kiswahili!?) as they were going the same way we were and even if they weren't I think just interested in what the Mzungu driving the clown car full of locals was up to and thus welcomed the detour. They were invited in by the 12 women and children in our already stuffed car. Evy started fussing for me and some women comforted her and gave her sweets (the instance fix for any crying children here). After stopping at the first house; catching up, greeting everyone in the neighborhood, and helping sort and pound rice for the bread to be baked later I asked to pray for the little girl and we said our goodbyes until inshallah (God wills) we see each other again. We all piled in minus the extra ladies who had joined us but now made their way to their original destinations and headed out again. Another ten minutes along narrow "roads" (yeah, we will just go with road) and we saw at least a hundred women dressed in brightly colored glittery clothes and we did what any respectable Zanzibari would do: We slammed the car to a stop, spilled out, and chased the wedding procession to get a glimpse of everyone while loudly yelling and hollering! It was hilarious and Evy and Anni were loving every minute of the dancing and attention.

After 20 minutes of ogling we laoded in and continued on until some guys from the wedding party in the dala dala in front of us jumped out and pounded on the window for us to stop. They quickly informed us we had a flat tire. Like no air kabisa. Which I could not really feel because the "roads" are that bad. About 8 guys from the wedding party quickly jumped out, asked their friends to subiri kidogo (wait a bit- one of the most often used phrases here) and got to work fixing the tire, running in and out of dukas, calling folks to help, and searching through our car for tools. Some neighbors came out to see what was going on brought my friends and I old car tires to sit on while we waited. Anni, Evy, and the 6 other kids with us played in the dirt, threw rocks at a fence, and chased the chickens.

When the men got the spare on enough to get us home I made the executive decision that we would ditch the car and walk the rest of the way to the second home since the roads were not getting any better. When we returned we would just drive the car home and worry about the tire in the morning. My friend said it was no problem to walk as it was not very far. Well, I should know by now that "not very far" for locals and "not very far" for Wazungu does not translate well. It was over a mile walk. Carrying Evy and baskets of food and it was hot. The crazy part was although I was exhausted and tired I never once thought we should just go back. Over the last three years I have been more accustomed to these days where nothing goes as planned but yet He is there. I am learning more and more that to seek only comfort means missing out of vast richness that comes from being stretched. A lot of life experiences are in your attitude towards them. Anni and her friends sang songs as we walked and chased each other and greeted everyone. Her friends took turns carrying her on their backs becuase the trek was hardcore through the village and they are used to the wussy Wazungu kids. I kept adjusting Evy from my hip, to my back, to handing her off to some kids with us and then a guy at a duka my friend knew said he would carry her the rest of the way for us. And this was not weird at all to me. I am consistently amazed at how helpful people are to one another. How they see everyone here as part of their community. They are so relational and they have all the time in the world. People are always more important then time. He carried Evy who shrieked in glee and moo'ed at the cows and chickens roaming everywhere.

We arrived at the home of a new mother. We went because we were asked to come to see the baby and tell her we were sorry for her traumatic birth. We arrived to lots of greetings and a mat being pulled out for us to sit down and talk. She really had a terrible birth experience which from everything I understood involved passing out, being cut open twice and losing so much blood she had to stay in the hospital for a week. She is 17 and her husband is almost 60. I know, and although this is not as common here as it was a generation ago it still happens. But I have a choice in those moments; I can see everything through my lens of Western superiority or I can chose to love and listen. Of course I believe there is a better way but my judgement brings no restoration or healing; only the glory of Jesus does that. I just have no comprehension of what her life is like but I have learned that still admist the differences I can go and bless and pray and share and be blessed. And that is important. The baby boy Abdalla was beautiful; a precious little miracle and I prayed over him with the family's permission. Then we sat together a long while and ate peanuts and talked about life. The kids were running around outside and after a bit Anni was thirsty from the long walk and asked for some water. When she realized the bottle we always bring was empty and she could not drink the water from the plastic bucket in their home that had been drawn from the well that morning she started crying. I felt terrible and decided we would make our way to a store and get her some water. They would hear none of it and sent a family member out to buy her bottled water and would not take money to buy it. Anni was very grateful and after some more chatting, watoto mud sliding down the hill outside, and cleaning them out of peanuts we said our goodbyes. They wrapped up some food for us to take home since we could not stay for dinner as it was getting dark and I was only half kidding when I mentioned that this Mzungu might not be able to find our car in the dark. I am always reminded here that hospitality does not require fancy linens and well planned side dishes it just requires thoughtfulness, kindness, and a willingness to share what you have. We survived the long walk back to the car as the sun was setting to find our car ready to make it home and some guys guarding it to make sure nothing happened while we were visiting. We made one stop off for some well deserved cookies for all watoto on board and then we made our way home.

This was just a day in our lives but as a reflect on days like today I am amazed that God has taken this spoiled Mzungu from Chicago and placed me here in this place so different from my known yet now so close to my heart. This place where although I am always "different" and will never truly understand what my friend's lives are like I am welcomed and loved and included in them. I have been blessed so much more than I have brought blessing to this place. I never imagined this growing accustomed would change me so much but I am exceeding grateful for the richness of my experiences here on this little island a world away. Yes, nimeshazoea.

a few random things...

2011-11-24T01:47:00.012-06:00

1. It is Thanksgiving or so I was reminded when looking at FB posts about the wonderful foods everyone is cooking. It is... alas... just a normal day here-well, if anything about our lives is normal.... lots of work but we are eating our favorite curry for lunch! And we are exceedingly thankful which is what it is really about. Happy Thanksgiving all you 'Merican types!!

2. Annikah is on the mend but we have been doing a lot of this....

....because the poor kid has malaria again. She was really brave at the hospital here which is so unlike her usually freaking out self and was rewarded richly by her choice of candy bars (which turned out to be really easy since the store had only one variety) and a Barbie movie of her choice. She also is feeling so much better after a day on the right medication. We are thankful for the access to medication and reminded we are privileged as so many people in the world do not have these meds. We are praying she will 100% back by Saturday for her big play! Today at practice the kids tried on their ears....

Yeah, pretty cute!!

3. We are so excited we might pee our pants because.......wait for it....... Bibi is coming to Z!!! J's Mom and his aunt are flying in for a few weeks in January and we could not be more excited!! WooHoo!!! We are already making big plans...

4. Jason and partners in crime convinced a student at Pamoja to climb a huge coconut tree to snap this arial view of the school! Pretty sweet huh? (Also, poor guy had to climb the tree twice since the first camera's battery died when he got to the top..no worries it was Inshallah...and they still got the shot)

5. I do not know how we got so busy but this week is crazy...a wedding tomorrow, my last English class and certificate party, Jason's last computer class and review for their VETA test, Anni's school play, dinner with guests, meeting with teachers, visiting friends in the shamba, and saying goodbye to Rich and Paula. But we leave for South Africa (HOLLA!!) in less than a week and that my friends is exciting news!

5. I love this picture of dinner on a mat at the Eid festival a few weeks back.

6. And just to tie up the random-ness......Some Shule kids stopped by yesterday to show us the kunguru (big, nasty crows) they caught in a makeshift cage. Evy was obsessed with saying "hi" to them! The kids offered to sell them to us (they really think Wazungu are dumb but you cannot blame them for trying) but then remembered we hate these things (Jason has been known to shoot marbles at the ones who assault our freshly washed and innocently hanging laundry). So, no we didn't purchase one but I did make them promise to release them (far away from our house) and not to torture the poor things.

Evy was sad to see them go...

Oh, and these watoto are adorable, right?

Now, back to aforementioned crazy week....

just us ladies

2011-11-21T10:19:00.004-06:00

Our dear team mates Paula & Rich are heading back to the U.K. in just a couple weeks (sniff) and so in honor of squeezing in some girl time us ladies left the watoto with the man folk and headed to the coast to enjoy some long chats, laying in the sun, swimming, walking on the beach, watching a girly flick, and not cooking. Yeah, awesomeness....

the Pamoja peeps

2011-11-21T10:16:00.005-06:00

This pic was taken a couple months back at a staff BBQ...I just thought I'd post the Pamoja staff and car mechanics since we are quite a crew these days.

To be far the kids add 7 :) It really is amazing how this place has grown over the last 3 years.

na harusi yake

2011-11-18T03:39:00.012-06:00

and her wedding day....

I love learning about photography and although I am far from an expert I am enjoying honing my skills in an amazing corner of His creation. The people, the colors, and culture here are a privilege to capture. I am lovin' being invited to take pictures at friend's wedding because in addition to blessing them with photos of their day I get to snap some amazing cultures shots. Here are my favorites of the wedding last week.....

amazing colors...everyone waiting for the groom to arrive

you can barely see Anni's dress in the middle of the crowd

chanting and "dancing"

it gets pretty intense y'all!

the men folk through ever present laundry and a really funky coconut tree

all that dancing in the heat was tiring for some

the men praying

the groom & best men through the incense smoke

on the way to make it official

prayers of blessing

my student and her niece in their finest

and one self take of the sweaty (hey, we did a lot of dancing!) photographer and one of my English students before we all headed home. Happy Harusi!

siri ya wanawake....oh no they didn't....

2011-11-17T01:13:00.003-06:00

secrets of women

Last week I was invited to a "shower" of sorts by one of my students who was throwing the party for her niece. I was told to "pendeza" (dress up), bring my camera and that no kids or unmarried folks were allowed. I had no idea what I was in for! I have never learned more about this culture then in those 4 hours!!

I arrived 30 minutes late and was the first person to show which meant couch hauling and sweeping duty for me while the women of the house buzzed around applying obscene amounts of eye shadow and liner and getting dressed in their finest. Once everyone arrived the bride to be was escorted out to hoots and hollering from all the women and asked to sit down next to the three women who would be leading the evening. My student asked me to sit next to the bride to ensure I did not miss a thing. After prayers they launched into "Being a Zbari Wife 101" as I coined it which included rules on getting along with in-laws, dealing with meddling neighbors, cooking, cleaning duties, and how to properly wash clothes. That was the first hour. The second hour and a half dealt with fulfilling the intimate needs of your husband. Seriously. Just a little detailed chat about sex in front of 50 of your closet friends and family members. Now, I am not a prude and can even admit that I tend to be a bit inappropriate at times but even I was shocked! Anyone who thinks fully covered women are quiet, demure, and completely proper has never been in a room full of local women at singo! And no worries if I could not understand a particular word since they acted out everything!! I could not help but blush when they explained in detail and then acted out how to please your husband. Seriously (wait, I already said that). Seriously.

The bride just sat stunned and nodded every once in a while when asked if she understood everything. I cannot divulge specifics here but let's just say when I arrived home and reported everything to J his only comment was "you are for sure an insider now." My neighbors also gave me hearty congrats and came over for days to hear the stories and add their advice. At least laughing was culturally appropriate or this Mzungu would have been in trouble.

Some of what was said made me realize again how grateful I am I have a husband to seeks to love me as Jesus loves His church because women here are expected to just hide their feelings so much. They are asked to ignore indiscretions and serve regardless of how they are treated. But much of what was said was really great and made me think that we need more things like this in our culture. Ok, so maybe not sex positions in front of your great Aunt but women talking to women about marriage- the really daily life of it and not just planning what color the flowers will be at the wedding. As always diving deeper into the culture here gives me much to pray about, think on, and learn from my friends. And I am so grateful they invite me along.

"listen up!"

taking it all in

the props

giving gifts & blessings at the end

"hey, who let the Mzungu in?"

remember these days?

2011-11-16T03:11:00.010-06:00

I am at Anni's school a lot these days because they are gearing up for the big graduation celebration next week. The big day will include short plays, songs, and dances. And they called in the English speaking back-up to make sure the things the kids were memorizing were actually correct which was a good call as many songs they learn are far from "English." Evy has joined me on most morning and now feels she is part of the play (maybe she will be a rabbit like her sister). While hanging out with the teachers at Chai time I came back to the classroom to find this....

Remember these days? I actually have no clue what they are trying to say in most of the songs but adorable none the less. Totally wanted to hold it down with "Miss Sally....sat upon it and broke her little...ask me no more questions, tell me no more lies, the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their .....flies are in the meadow, bees are in the park...Miss Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K, D-A-R-K, Dark! " I cannot believe after so long I still remember that one! It came flooding back when the kids were singing. I am sure there are more redeemable ones out there but that is what came to mind. Rather sketchy if you actually look at the words, eh? Gotta love kid's clapping songs.

my fav pic yet

2011-11-15T01:08:00.000-06:00

I think this indeed may be one of my favorite shots ever. I snapped it during a wedding last Friday when Evy was wandering around and making friends.

Looks like she can take her pick of suitors here when the time comes......

Happy Bday to me...

2011-11-14T05:40:00.009-06:00

Today is my Bday. That's right I am 32 today!

And since today...... it is pouring rain, I slipped and fell in the lake of mud outside our house and had to change clothes, we have no food in the house, no laundry soap to wash the mounds of dirty clothes and diapers, Anni fell and bloodied her knee and has been crying about said life altering injury for the last hour, I started teaching at 8:30am and then went to Anni's school to help plan the graduation, and will now head to a friend's house to help them with an application I will remember that this weekend I did have a great date to celebrate. Two of my favorite things: spicy Indian curry & my sexy, thoughtful husband. And even on the muddy, busy, tiring days I am blessed. Richly blessed and I am grateful! Happy Birthday to me!!

in my child

2011-11-13T07:06:00.013-06:00

Seeing God working in our children's lives is a privilege. Seeing the divine in the everyday moments is something I am learning and Annikah is helping teach me..

Some days I hate the market. The smell, the heat, the crowds. And then on some days there are the young punks who insist on calling out disrespectful things to me (or any Mzungu) because they think I cannot understand them. I may not catch every word but let's just say I have learned to understand the jest of what they are saying. Being demeaned feels the same in any language.

Last week I had one of these days. I had Evy strapped to my back and was holding Anni's hand as we made our way through the narrow and muddy streets in town carrying our woven baskets full of food. My quest was simple enough; get some yogurt, veggies, and a gift for a friend and get out of there. It was hot people and I was losing patience after being hassled and sweating like crazy while negotiating the price of carrots and onions. Suffice it to say I was not feeling the culture on this morning.

Finally we were done and started winding back through the streets to make our way home. I was dashing at this point in pure desperation to be done and to be on to the next thing. We passed by shops and countless "Jambo!" greetings most of which I ignored because I was just not feeling it. I heard a faint female voice greet Annikah but in our hurry and my apathy we just kept going. About a minute later Annikah squeezed my hand and said "Mama, we should go back to that lady. She salamia (greeted) us and we just walked by and she only has one leg. Remember her?"

In that instant I weighed my options. I did remember her. We were already a good ways past this woman who we had given change to and talked with several times before. It was hot, like sweltering hot, muddy, dirty, and I was tired. I had lots of good excuses (don't we all?) And I had a bad attitude...I allowed life to wreck me this particular day. Just being real. But it was something in the way she said it and the gentle squeeze of my hand that God used to speak to me. Anni gently reminded me that if indeed I do want to follow after Jesus then I would not simple walk by and let the scoffing of strangers, the heat, or my personal discomfort dictate my attitude towards an image bearer of God. If I really believe and take serious His call we had to go back. I was reminded that I am raising a special little girl. A little girl that responds to the Holy Spirit and has not been hardened by life. And that is a gift for me. That in my child I can see more of His love.

We turned around and walked back to where Anni thought she heard the woman greet us. She was there leaning against a duka door with a sun bleached kanga wrapped snug around her small frame, her makeshift crutches were next to her. Anni reached out her hand and respectfully greeted the woman who then leaned down and touched Anni's cheek and thanked her. Her wide smile revealed her 4 remaining teeth and a kind, sweet spirit. I apologized for walking so quickly by and told her my daughter reminded me that God wants us to make time for people even when we are in a hurry. She agreed that I should listen to Annikah more and we laughed. We asked if we could pray a blessing for us all and she grabbed my hand and agreed. And we stood together in the narrow street with chaos around us and asked God to be there. And I acknowledged He already was.

improvise

2011-11-12T05:59:00.003-06:00

A rainy morning meant no going swimming at the beach as promised but turns out the girls were perfectly happy with improvising...

My new boat-shelves!

2011-11-11T06:04:00.009-06:00

A while back we acquired an old ngalawa (small fishing boat). J was helping a friend out who could no longer use it because shall we say...she was a bit UN-sea worthy. It was delivered to our house and became a playground of sorts for any watoto in the vicinity. We had big plans for the thing but months went by before J was able to carve out some time to work on it.

no worries...it did not feel neglected!

The work went in stages due to lack of tools, time, and frankly the heat!

which turned out to be just fine with some children who rather enjoyed the little boat in our yard.

Iga..ufe...the name of our boat...in Kiswahili....Imitate this...you die (she was built a bit too narrow apparently)

my husband rocks!! And after much hard work....

Pretty sweet right?

Of course we are now even more crazy in our Wazungu-ness then before since news of our boat shelves has traveled far and wide! But I love 'em!

a little on bugs...wadudu

2011-11-10T00:41:00.004-06:00

At some point during the last three years I quit gasping when I see a cockroach the size of a small cat run from under my bed in the middle of the night and I stopped grabbing my camera to document the critters that emerge first thing in the morning. I guess we have gotten used to coexisting here with all sorts of wadudu.

I remember someone once telling us that you can tell how long someone has lived in Africa by how they respond to bugs in their food: Only been here a few months you throw out the entire drink because you spot a bug in the glass, been here a while you pick out said critter and continue enjoying your drink, been here a LONG while and you see said dudu, weigh your options and decide to just drink the sucker.

This morning while working out I saw a couple bugs in my water glass and chose the third option because just drinking the bugs seemed way easier than trying to get more filtered water, ice, a clean cup, etc. Then I remembered this. Yep, I guess we have been here a while.

Evy's fascination with all things "dudu" is out of control. It is by far her favorite word and pretty much every time she sees a bug of any size or shape she repeatedly yells "dudu dudu" until we acknowledge that she is indeed correct. I must say that the word dudu or wadudu for many is a far superior word to our insect or bug. It is pretty fun to say! She also has decided all dudus' stink as she holds her nose and then waves her little hand to drive the point home. I finally got a video of her dudu antics...well that and some ridiculous jumping.....

faith

2011-11-08T05:07:00.018-06:00

Faith. Some people think it is reserved for simple minded people who just cannot cope in the world and need the comfort. I disagree. For me faith is wrenching and soul bearing. Requiring me to crawl up on my cross and die to self for His glory. And many days difficult; requiring constant surrender. Sometimes tearing at the core of my very existence until I feel like I cannot cope at all. But in the Kingdom of God even that which seems painful and requires sacrifice is meant for our joy. Our delight. Our refinement. Our fulfillment. Our good. Faith requires that we dive into to that which we cannot see in the day to day. That which at times feels far away or alludes description but that is real. Realer than we know. But as I learn to trust with everything I am learning hope does abound. Spills over even..

During my week of lessening the noise and things that fight for my attention and allegiance I struggled to chisel a place in my heart and mind. If I am honest I wanted a distraction. I craved them. The immediate to occupy my time so that I could just exist and function instead of rely and listen and be. I do not think I am alone in this. We humans like to stuff ourselves full of life, full of to-do’s, full of making ourselves important and needed, full of perceived happiness caught in snapshots that we lose sight of our Creator and Savior sometimes. We make up too much of our path on our own with only occasional muttered “thank you” or “could you fix this?” prayers. I am learning more about what it means to be a new creation; replacing the old with the new. Thankfully He met me in that place.

The first morning of our week in the dark I went on a prayer run (well, walk mostly because I forgot how hot it is here) and truthfully I struggled with wanting to pray. With wanting to hear and listen. I really just wanted a simple “answers” to all the unknowns in our lives right now. Why should I pray when He knows the outcome anyway? But as the minutes wore on and as the sweat dripped down my face the very act of praying and walking on a small island most people cannot locate on a world map seemed to make it more significant. That the things that are often foolish to the world; like a young virgin giving birth to the Savior of the world or walking around a city expecting the walls to crumble or raising a stick at a sea as your people’s only hope of escape, God uses. He uses the foolish things of the world. He does. Like a white girl running through Africa hurling muted petetions and praises heavenward and expecting answers. Why do I pray? Because I needed to be reminded often of my smallness and His vastness. For the experience of listening. For the interaction that we were created to have. Because I desire relationship with my Maker and because of Jesus I know I can confidently but humbly approach Him. That is love. That is the priveldge of being adopted as His.

In my prayers while walking I heard 4 times “my ways are not your ways.” I often do not get such clear words and when I arrived back home I started scouring scripture for its location (a lot harder when you cannot just google it) and it led me to Isaiah. I decided this was the book for me that week. Everyday I read and soaked in and listened. It is has prophecy, harsh warnings, tremedous encouragement, and beautiful praise. It breathed life into me last week.

This past week allowed me to quiet myself and seek more. And I am thankful that in His wisdom He knows that we are proned to wander, to do things “ourselves,” to rely on anything tangiable before the things which require faith in the unseen. He designed us; even our fickleness of believeing with everything in us one day and doubting the next. Loving fiercly and having mercy one minute and being apathitic and prideful the next. I read “I would not have told the people of Israel to seek me if I could not be found” (45:19). He does not ask us to search after Him in vain without promising He will be there. God’s silence can be frustrating but it can be as powerful as His speaking because it drives and shoves us towards the unknown that requires faith. I need more faith. I am asking for more faith. I am overwhelmed by what I see many days. But He spoke again reminding me through Isaiah to remember all the times I have seen miracles; here and in my personal life.

“Remember the things I have done in the past for I alone am God! I am god and there is none like me” 46:9. Remembering to remember and be grateful. I spent a lot of time in that place. But I also read.....

“But forget all that-it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the that wilderness.” (43:18-19). Our adoption being halted has seemed like an obstacle with no resolution and it has made me so sad. No, heartbroken. And we have been feeling on the verge of something new lately and asking for clarity. I realized I do not see it. The it of this verse. I see frustrations and unknown and brick walls constructed in the wilderness when maybe He is doing a new thing and beckons me to trust and watch and take steps of faith. I am asking for that Faith.

“Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to His will” (50:4). The image of "opening my understanding" has been profound to me this week. J and I had coffee one morning to talk about what we were feeling, how we felt His leading, and what we are learning. I am profoundly grateful to have a partner who seeks to follow Jesus radically and wants to lead our family to lay down and give up in order to experience the abundance that comes from living for His great name and glory in the world. As we wrote our thoughts and discussed options that seem crazy we felt excited. Like He is indeed doing a new thing. That we will experience more of His goodness as we have faith to walk forward.

“I am the Lord your God who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the path that you should follow. Oh! That you had listened to my commands! Then you would have had peace flowing like a gentle river and rightouenous rolling over you like sea waves in the sea.” (48:17-18).

God is allowing me more and more to lay down “my” plans for my life for His plans and although in some ways we have more questions than answers now I do feel this peace and hope for what lies ahead, just beyond what I can see. A peace that comes from knowing the object of my faith is what is important. Praying for more and more faith and a clearer understanding of the path He is leading us to.

Eid Al Adha

2011-11-07T05:39:00.008-06:00

It is Eid time again on our island.

It is Eid time and Evy was thrilled to take our family pic!
This Eid marks the end of the pilgrimage to Mecca for many people around the world and involves sacrificing an animal for your family if you have the means. We knew it was Eid time when we drove past a normally empty (except for football games) field that was filled with goats awaiting their certain demise at dawn.

We spent the day as we spend all holidays here....dressed up local style, baking cakes and cookies, giving and receiving cakes and cookies, being force fed and eating too much, and visiting dear friends. Here is a glimpse at our Eid Al Adha....

the girls in their dresses made with fabric given to them by my girlfriend for the last Eid

pilau, salad, and hot sauce...yummy!

the kids keep getting bigger!

an hour past nap time and fading fast...

our island family

remember this pic?

the kids thought us grown folk taking pictures was hilarious!

wamependeza...all glammed up for Eid!

our lunch guests on the second day

This was our view driving home......

We are blessed. Eid Mubarak!

believe it!

2011-11-04T05:00:00.005-05:00

Skuli ya Imani. Our School of Faith is the little gathering of now sometimes 36 children and counting that meet at our house twice a week to learn and laugh and play and sing and pray and write and read and be silly. It is not really that formal but it is very special. I would say "I cannot believe how we have grown and how He has provided" but that is not true.

I do believe it.

I have seen it.

I can attest to His provision that exceeds what I think or dream up. We have prayed as a school and asked God to provide and He has and He continues to. And we say thank you each week! And I am in awe of how rich His provision is.

I want to encourage anyone out there who has needs that seem too big or desires that seem out of reach. Pray. Ask. Dream. Share. And then wait and watch and be thankful.

A while back some generous folks donated funds and recently we used some of those funds to make workbooks. For over a year we have been using plain notebooks but because many children are just beginning to learn to write I have had to hand write "worksheets" of sorts in each child's notebook so they could complete the lesson for the day (as opposed to spend the entire time just copying something). So based on the two groups of children I took pages from workbooks from the states, some worksheets I created for Kiswahili, and some excerpts from local textbooks and made our own special Skuli ya Imani books. The day I picked them up from the copy shop kids stopped by all afternoon to sneak a peek at their books. They are so pumped to have their own special book with their name on it. Thank you to all who gave generously. He is multiplying your gifts and our little "school" is blessed because of it!

It is such an amazing privilege to be a small part if this. These children really do feel like part of our family. The play with our girls everyday, they get all cuts and scraps treated here, they come to relay messages from their parents, the return and borrow and bring requested items, they share meals or snacks with us, and they stow away in our car for short errands. What was once tons of kids roaming our neighborhood are now wanafunzi wangu (my students). And they are so dear to me.

check us our with our new books!

working hard & always eager to help the teacher

msaidizi

2011-11-03T04:42:00.005-05:00

Helper. Check Miss Annikah out....

Scheduling...shall we say.... challenges because of the new micro loan program J and a friend have started up at Pamoja has meant Anni has had to join me for my English class once a week. We decided to have a review game day before our mid-course exam and Anni's job was to issue stamps on each student's card after they finished the game at each table. My students LOVED the games and Anni was pretty much a rock star in dolling out the stamps. 6 stamps = candy at the end of the class so stamps were serious business people! I love the flexibility I have here of being able to work and teach with my kids alongside me. It is a gift to share this with my girls and they love the attention and love they receive from the people here.

my current Beginner English Course students. And yes, I have 2 Korean students (one was absent the day we took the picture) that know Kiswahili but not English. We are international folks!!

tri-lingual...

2011-11-02T05:56:00.001-05:00

"Mama and Papa, I speak 3 languages: English, Swahili, and pretend English." We about peed ourselves laughing as this is the truest statement about Miss A's repertoire of language skills. Anni does in fact switch between real Kiswahili spoken with our friends and neighbors, our brand of American English spoken at home with our family, and a sorta "pretend English" reserved for Tanzanian friends that know some English but requires her to say things like "Lusi, yes? you hear me to talk? I go to play zarre (there)." She is tri-lingual I'd say.

fall posers

2011-11-01T11:06:00.005-05:00

We are missing us some fall right about now. Colorful and crunchy leaves, pumpkin spice anything, sweatshirts, apple picking, costumes. Ah, we miss you fall (now winter is an entirely different story but fall.....oh dear fall). So instead of lamenting the rising temps on our island everyday and lack of all things resembling fall we decided to have us a shindig. Our inspiration was a package sent from Bibi Rho including candy corn (holla!), real leaves from Iowa (we sniffed those for a good 5 minutes), and a mermaid sticker book for one little girl who was a mermaid (seriously Bibi that was amazing and necessitated a call because Miss Anni did not believe that we had not told her secret costume idea. Nope, Bibi is just that good)! The funnest part was painting shells with the kids in the neighborhood for Anni's costume and sewing some spots on an old T-shirt for Miss Evy to to be a "dudu" (bug) at her request (ok, she pretty much just loves the word dudu). Yep, we had ourselves a fall party complete with costumes, bobbing for apples, making caramel apples, "trick or treating" (if you count knocking on every door in the house trick or treating :), and lots-o-fall-ish games. Woohoo! What made it special was that we were joined by some friends.

Check us fall wanna-bes out......

mermaid diva

the mask lasted about 30 seconds but she makes a pretty sweet lady bug

best group shot we could manage before inevitable costume removal

trick or treat bags

first pop rock experience......sent from the states of course!

making caramel apples without caramels proved challenging but turned out pretty darn good in the end...yeah for experiments that actually work (those that do not are too numerous to name here)

Happy Fall Y'all!

due to dead animals in our water supply...

2011-11-01T08:00:00.002-05:00

we are bathing in the ocean these days.....

not so terrible really. The girls love it!

slowly returning...

2011-10-31T06:04:00.012-05:00

We are slowly making our comeback to the land of technology....

I say slowly because our internet speed averages one email opened per ten minutes and because we got fairly used to ignoring this box-o-technology over the last week. It was hard too but mostly it was life giving. Good to remember that life continues without my presence in cyberspace. I needed this time spent in prayer and with our family and it was refreshing. kabisa. For reals, I totally recommend shutting down, turning off, and unplugging for some time. The interruption of the constant was needed for us. Lots to share but need to process and write more first.

For now some sweet pics of our Saturday spent with friends enjoying the hot weather... some swimming with turtles too!

cute lil' Wazungu enjoying the pool!

we are all about the cheesy smiles

the girls were a bit freaked out at first but after a bit they decided it was pretty cool to swim with the turtles...as long as they were vice gripping J that is....

my personal Indiana Jones....he is a hottie!

How Africa is this? the guys that worked there tried to convince us to buy it on our way out...it only has "little problems" ....yeah! We just opted for the photo op :)

going dark

2011-10-23T03:11:00.018-05:00

friends and family, I will not be here with you for a week. We are shutting off the screens in our lives as a family for a bit.

Not because there are no stories to tell or read or no pictures to share but because I have sensed that He is asking us to quiet ourselves and just listen. That is hard for me. I like chaos. One could even say I thrive in it to some extent. And I can easily blame the craziness of this place or having small kids but the truth is I make choices everyday to use the limited time I have to sometimes zone out with a show, check email, blog, edit photos, even read, etc. None of which are bad things or are excessive in my life and all of which one can easily qualify as good or even at times "necessary" things but when compared to the richness of seeking His presences and just listenin they all seem wasteful right now. And we need to hear from Him. We have a lot of decisions in our near future as a family. We have a lot of unanswered questions. And without His wisdom we cannot move forward.

We have a desperate need to hear from Him right now. For the Word and His spirit to speak to us and direct our steps. I had a dream last week....... Jason and I were surrounded by people; some family, some friends; from the US and from here. It was a crowd of people and it was not bad. The opposite actually. Like a chorus of talking, encouragement, needs, opinions, sharing, and living life together. But as I looked up from the full life we were engaging in I could see an eye and an ear in brief flashes circling the outside of the crush of people. Trying to be seen. Begging to be heard. But we weren't listening. We were tuned into the other people. We were focused on what was in front of us and I could barely catch a glimpse. I awoke and started crying. For me I know this dream is so true of where we are right now. We have not taken the time to step back and really listen to Him because the chaos around us has sometimes become too dense. I want to see and hear and for that I will take the time to quiet some of the constant swirl. I want to seek more. Talk less and listen more. I want to live a life that would be an utter failure if the power of God does not show up more and more each day. I want to sacrifice my wants for my real needs. To act in faith that all I see is not all there is. To humble myself before my Father and beg for His wisdom. I cannot manipulate this but I can set aside, turn off, make choices, humble myself, spend time reading and praying and being quiet and asking Him to show up.

So this week we are going dark. Seeking more light. Asking that in small sacrifices we gain clarity, purpose, and more Joy.

a break-in and a little about His goodness...

2011-10-22T16:59:00.007-05:00

We had a break-in at our house. Before anyone gets worried let me say we were not home and it was almost undetectable until Jason asked me why on earth I had opened one of his few and precious Mountain Dew cans and left it half drunk on the counter to which I quickly replied I had done no such thing! Then we looked closer and saw a video game controller was out, a CD carelessly thrown on a table, 2,000 shillings (about a buck) was missing, and banana muffin crumbs were scattered about the kitchen. Yep, someone had been in the house.

Nothing of real value was taken and a closer examination at the kitchen screen revealed that someone had ripped the already slightly torn screen even more and unlatched the door that was left unbolted (lesson learned). Both of us really did not want to deal with this but we knew letting it go was not a possibility. Bracing for an all night affair we went out. We immediately knew it had to be kids (I mean really who else would drink half a Mountain Dew but leave a laptop?) and started a search party for the culprits. It took about 3 minutes for a crowd of interested neighbors to show up at our house and another 2 minutes for shule kids to turn in the guilty parties who gave them selves away by eating the stolen goods...aforementioned banana muffins in front of all the other kids. Yeah, not the smartest thieves! What makes that crazy is that any person living in a 10 miles vicinity of us knows if you want a banana muffin all you have to do is stop over and 9 times out of 10 you will be offered one (or in true Waswahili fashion you can just ask for one). Turned out that the two boys that broke in were bored and wanted to play video games and having been in our homes many times thought we might have the goods. It took a while for the full story to come out but after their Mamas' were asked to join us the tears followed and the confessions came along with the verbal beat downs. Seriously! in a shame culture these kids got the wrath of their mothers in front of the whole neighborhood. It was amazing to me that we had to say very little while everyone else dealt with this situation. Another example of how communal parenting is here. They talked to all the kids about the importance of respecting us and that we are a part of this neighborhood. Some of what was said was so similar to what we would say in our home culture but some was completely different! It was a learning opportunity for sure! We shared about how the "stuff" does not bother us since we cannot take it with us anyway but that we trust and live together and we want the kids to learn that they need to respect everyone. About an hour into the ordeal the power went out and we all sat and continued the discussion in the darkness. I was so glad it was completely dark except for the occasional cell phone flicker so no one could see my giggling when one of the mothers yelled something along the lines of "why do you have to drink the soda at Mama Annikah's house...is it better tasting then the soda anywhere else?" Yep, Mama Annikah soda rules! You heard it here first!

After an hour or so of the kids being reprimanded in front of everyone (even some other kids were crying because they were afraid and sad for them) the adults made them come and bow before us and ask forgiveness. It seemed so much for such a little thing but we wanted to respect their way of dealing with everything. I really felt that at that moment God gave me words to speak. Honestly so often I feel like I fail to say what I wanted or I miss opportunities but in that moment I was fully honest and said "we can easily forgive because we have been forgiven. We know God forgives us and so we can forgive freely." I really sensed His goodness in those moments. That in sometimes difficult or uncomfortable circumstances He can make a way for His love to shine. The mothers asked for forgiveness and said it will not happen again and asked that I still continue teaching the kids. The starry sky was the still our only light when everyone slowly said good night and headed home. We were exhausted but so thankful we had a little break-in and an opportunity to share love and forgiveness and learn more about real community with our neighbors.

playdough & an unexpected haircut

2011-10-22T06:48:00.001-05:00

we had quite the playdough cooking party last week.....

"Hey, quit taking pictures mama!"

I totally encourage this cheesy smile because I cannot get enough!!

and while I was washing dishes in the kitchen for 5 minutes....

so we had Evy's first haircut not because she has much actual hair but because it was needed. Crazy girl!

school visits..pole pole....

2011-10-21T04:30:00.009-05:00

Last week Evy and I went on a trip to visit a school where one of the teacher's from Pamoja's Teacher Seminar works. She was also one of Jason's computer students and she is now running a small school for preschool and kindergarten age children. It has been a challenge to try to follow up with all the teachers but we are starting and slow is better than nothing right? pole pole ndiyo mwendo is a Kiswahili proverbs that means slowly, slowly is the going, or slowly but surely we will get there. So True.

Seeing the kids and teachers was such a blessing! We were given a tour and since we showed up right during snack time Evy was fed everything from cassava to cookies to sugary candies. And she loved the love let me tell you! We sang some songs with the kids later and chatted with the teachers about their dreams for the school. So often imagining and setting goals is so limited because the resources are simply not available and the issues so immense. But we had some good discussion on how we could work together to improve the school and what each teacher, parent, and student could do better to work towards progress. There is no quick fix...pole pole we will continue. I am constantly learning here to listen more than I speak. A hard lesson for me but one that without which I can never offer any real help. I was reminded that spending time and being with people here is so important. It communicates value and love and so I will always make time to love teachers and children. They are dear to me. And in the process of loving I am continually blessed. And thankful.

big girl

2011-10-20T10:52:00.001-05:00

remember this dress? Miss Evy Imani is rockin' it these days. My girls are so big!

the beach at sunset

2011-10-17T06:43:00.005-05:00

We highly recommend it.

It has been months since we have been to the beach! I know, what is with us living on an island and all?

But it seems a metaphor for a lot in my life right now. I am focusing on the troubles, unanswered questions, and the busyness and forgetting the beauty, the known, and the rest that comes from trusting in Him. We got out the door late and we should have gone home early to get dinner started. I am glad we didn't. Because we got to watch the sun slip below the horizon in our corner of the world this night. Our island. This place that I love so dearly and at the same time represents so much difficulty and still unknown to me. As the sun set the clouds obscured our view but to me it seemed as though God's hand was holding the sun. Like three knuckles were gripping it tight and pulling it in place. A reminder for me that He who formed the sun also knows my every need, every worry, every question. The beach at sunset was a reminder to me to take a deep breath....there are miracles and beauty all around us if only we'd stop our motion long enough to notice. And say thank you.

thank you Lord.

upside down family fabulous-ness night!

2011-10-16T08:07:00.013-05:00

We had Family Fabulous-ness (sure it is a word) Upside Down Night!!

One of my goals is to be more present in the right now with our girls. Confession: there are many days I feel like I am trying to survive from sunrise to sunset without anyone needing serious medical attention, without sibling fights requiring said medical attention, and deal with the endless emotions of our 5 year old and the destructive behavior of our almost-but-not-quite-yet 2 year old. Add that to my own issues, time for our marriage, work here, and needs around us and lots of days I am plan spent. Like for sure. But all in the same whirlwind I know He is calling me to treasure the Crazy. To really be present. And with Him at the center carve out for our family space and time to just be together...each one bringing our own faults, gifts, and chaos but loving and accepting that us being together on this road was no accident and is meant for our growth. Not easy this family thing.

I want my children to know they are loved. Deeply. To know their Mama and Papa value them and want to spend time in pursuit of their joy. Our joy as a family. One way we are trying to do that around here is making Fam Fab nights. An idea birthed by the fact that really there is not a whole lot to do around these parts but we still want to have fun together and just be "us" since we live most of our reality in an in-between-ness. The first real installment was Upside down night!

ok, so I completely ripped this idea off. True story. (Thanks Kim and the web) as I firmly believe most great ideas are ripped off and then tweaked and I have lots of awesome Mama's to steal ideas from. Yep. Now the key to Fam Fab nights is the anticipation. Everyday for a week Anni had been asking if it is the night yet. To which I would report the count down of days. We made invites (as we are prone to do for any reason), planned clothes that could be worn upside down with the aid of a few safety pins, selected the menu, and talked endlessly about the sillyness of everything being upside down.

Here is the run down of the night....Anni helped me make the upside down pizza (which was actually quite good) and we drank juice bottles with straws through the bottom (hammer and nails were needed for that). While our yummy dinner was baking we got dressed wearing everything upside down and as I was safety pinning my dress in place Jason yelled out those words I most fear when doing something crazy "una Mgeni" (you have a guest). seriously not a great moment. I decided I was positively certain I did not want to explain why Wazungu wear their clothes upside down in their homes on weekends as would obviously be what the guest would derive from seeing me looking like a fool and opted for a quick kanga cover-up. Fortunately it was a quick visit to drop off some green peppers and we were back to crazy Wazungu land in minutes. We each took turns standing on our heads and taking silly family pictures. We flipped our coffee table upside down and ate our dinner giggling when the cheap table lost a couple slats in the process, played Chutes and Ladders from the end to the start, and enjoyed upside down ice cream sundaes (we put the chocolate sauce in the bowl first of course). But not everything was perfect snapshots. As we were getting ready our kids did not stop the fighting and Anni was in tears at least twice about pins coming lose or Evy getting something she didn't and it occurred to us to just drop the whole thing. But it also came so strongly to me that this is real family time. A mix of the sweet and the difficult. Yet, it is us right now. It is more our story than perfect pictures or all seemly wonderful moments strung together. But I am so glad we continued through the unexpected guests, the food splattered floor, the tears about wanting more games because in the end it was special.....not the kind of special that is perfect but the kind that is us. And that is why it was full of love.

Evy could not get enough.....more Fam Fab in our future...

weigh-in

2011-10-13T11:31:00.004-05:00

Evy and I were visiting a friend's school this morning and as we walked past a government clinic with many Mamas' and babies waiting she wanted to check it out.

She wasn't so sure that was a great idea when everyone decided she needed to be weighed; local style. But she hung in.......

she is 12.5 kilos for the record.

ten on ten (october 2011)

2011-10-11T06:55:00.011-05:00

1. Anni is off to the bus stop

2. morning visitors

3. our swings always attract watoto

4. a rogue chicken who got in our yard and made a ton of noise I may add!!

5. bikes are more fun when shared

6. banana muffins made in case guests stop by

7. a guest popping in for a chat and of course banana muffin

8. friends playing house under a passion fruit tree

9. movie time and a little hair braiding

10. a special gift from my hubby that made my day... flowers sewn together by one of his students

join in on the photo project today!

you are invited to the wedding of a dear friend & neighbor.....

2011-10-10T10:59:00.001-05:00

they were married on a Friday; the holy day which is custom here. They went to primary school together and their families think they will be a great match. Rain for the entire day was a downer and made the usual festivities postponed and the dancing outside seem impossible but the wedding went on. Everyone pitches in and does their part to make the wedding day fabulous.

the rain and lack of power keeps us women all packed inside waiting for the bride to arrive...think no breeze and sweat!

shoes always must be removed before entering a home and the chai is ready and waiting for the men to return from the mosque

everyone arrives in their best attire and brings food, mats, or other necessities for the day

the bride is escorted in from the salon with a kanga over her head making sure no one can see her. She always stays in a room decorated for the occasion and everyone comes in to take pictures, pray, and wish blessings. She wears green as is custom because it is the color of blessing here. Lots of "umependeza" you have made your self beautiful! comments are made in whispers to her.

lots of waiting and mischief for some watoto

making friends

odi or incense is burned during prayers

everyone is dressed in their very best

and generations of women decked out in the brightest colors wait for a glimpse of the bride

time for the men to go make this thing official

saying vows and praying

the happy couple.

the rain finally lets up and everyone helps to lay the mats outside. The men return from the mosque and get ready to drum and chant...kupiga dufu

the women hear the drums and sing along and sway (no dancing allowed remember!). some get a bit feisty what with all the money waving and kupiga vigelegele which I cannot really translate except to say crazy loud noises made by moving your tongue super fast...you have to hear it!

thanks for joining our harusi. many prayers of blessings for the couple.

"I seriously think she will wrestle snakes in the Amazon"

2011-10-08T06:42:00.004-05:00

J made this comment this morning about Miss Evy Imani and I must say I absolutely agree. This girl is full of life. And crazy. She grabs hold of every opportunity for chaos and charges ahead not afraid. Some days I want to be more like her and somedays I just wish she could sit down and chill for 5 minutes. True story.

She escapes description... this little second girl of mine. She is hardcore, crazy, funny, stubborn, vivacious, and tough.

She is also immensely sweet. She brings you your bag, shoes, scarf anytime she senses you are getting ready to leave. Every morning and afternoon when she sees her sister she gives her a bear hug around her tummy and savors the moment. Her cheesy smile with squinty eyes, mouth open wide, and wrinkled nose can make anyone laugh. She dances at any music anytime and her sweet moves make me join in and forget whatever I was doing.

She has a desire for destruction and chaos that has left me speechless on many occasions. If there is something she can break, destroy, dump over, jump on, or scatter she is all about it. All about it I tell you.

On lazy weekend mornings she climbs into bed with us and proceeds to body slam us each in turn. I'm saying....snake wrestler, lion tamer, daredevil....but somehow I sense she will be wearing hot pink polka dot heels while doing it all......call it a feeling........our Evangeline Imani...

but I'm pretty sure..

2011-10-07T10:44:00.001-05:00

In general the laws here much more lax on things like child safety but I am pretty sure this is still illegal.....

harusi

2011-10-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

the girls and I attended the wedding of a friend last week. Even a day of terrible rain could not keep everyone from celebrating......it was a great day...more soon....

6 hour trip and why everything is negotiable here...

2011-09-30T04:57:00.005-05:00

We are back from a 6 hour trip to Dar. In short: Took early ferry. Puked. Again. Same story there. Walked to the office of Social services and big surprise our social worker AND the commissioner were both out of the office. We told the woman working in the office we would wait for them to return and we hunkered down and prepped for some epic waiting as if often the case here. Amazingly we had convinced some fabulous friends to watch the girls for the day so we could wait without entertaining kids in the dark and narrow hallway where we have spent many an hour waiting, praying, reading, being frustrated, and learning to trust. That was a good idea y'all. We were among many folks also waiting for their chance and there was no room for us both so I sat on a broken chair at the end of the long hallway while Jason sat just outside the office making sure it was known "We are still here!" We both started praying that the commissioner would return despite what we had been told (appointments just do not happen here and he was supposedly gone for a long time at a meeting). But within 20 minutes he appeared! Ever been shocked God answered your prayer so exactly? We were! And thankful.

After some more waiting as the folks on the seats next to us slowly went in one by one it was our turn. He remembered us and we explained why we had come. We were able to offer a solution to the issue that is preventing us from adopting due to the recent law change. We are open to getting dual residency or possibly moving to Dar for a time and he seemed favorable to that although he still thought of some other objections that might creep up now. He is very cautious because as we have learned the last commissioner was known for shady deals and not doing his job so this commissioner is afraid of bending the rules or sticking his neck out even when maybe he should. But I respect that he wants to do his job well and does care about the children. He promised to contact the ministry's lawyer and ask the needed questions and get back to us which may or may not happen. We will need to follow up and wait again.

But what I want to share is this: God was there in that meeting. We were able to be honest and offer what we felt we were willing to do to allow the adoption to continue and we did not have to lie or mislead him at all as some have advised we do to make the problem "go away." We shared our heart with him and said we really feel God wants us to adopt and so we want to follow up and understand if this is no longer possible here as it may affect our ability to stay. We felt peace that we had taken the small step we felt Him leading us to and now we wait and pray and rely on Him in whatever is next. If I am honest I float between moments of complete certainty and trust and moments of weepy-ness and feeling overwhelmed with doubt that this could all work out somehow. It is still insane to me how difficult this process is when there are thousands of orphans that need homes. I started to cry reading an email from an orphanage director this morning begging someone to take a little boy she might have to turn away because even the not so great orphanages are full. Begging for people willing to take him and love him. I want to scream "We are!!" but for now the answer is wait. Doing what He wants is rarely easy and I have learned that and know that even though there is heartbreak, waiting, difficulty there is also joy and abundance. I must trust that He has a good purpose for this all. I will trust in that amidst the waiting and uncertainty. God's plan is for good even when I struggle to see it.

And now for something much less serious but too good to forget.....

After our meeting and grabbing lunch we walked to a clinic where I heard there was an orthodontist! Short back story necessary to appreciate this story.....a few months back my permanent lower retainer that was holding my formerly scary rows of shark teeth in place since getting my braces off came loose on one side and after a couple days of cutting my mouth whenever I ate I hacked the thing off with a razor. Not the best option I know but an option for one who lives in the absence of all things dental care. Over the last few months I have noticed the shift and my devious teeth wanting to go back to their former shark teeth glory (or lack there of). A dentist here advised me that there is ONE orthodontist from India in Tanzania and I could get an appointment with her. Score! We arrived early for the appointment and within 20 minutes I had a new lower retainer. Over the phone I had asked the price and after being told 690,000 shillings (about 500 bucks) I asked if there was anyway to lower the price and she said no problem and lowered the fee to 250,000 shillings (the fee for aid workers and poor folks). Still a bit pricey but nothing compared to getting braces again if I ignore the problem (and remember the shark teeth...seriously, not pretty!). When it came time to pay we realized that after paying for lunch we were short fund-age and Jason was going to run to an ATM but when he asked the nurse she said the ATM's were pretty far and instead asked exactly how much we had. We counted every shilling and came up with 170,000 to which she replied "ok, pay 150,000 shillings." Seriously, I love this place. EVERYTHING is negotiable! Even a retainer! We used our last 20,000 shillings to get a taxi to the airport to head home. The flight was 30 minutes from taking off and as we sat in traffic we could not help laughing as our driver said with God's help we will make it. We agreed and laughed about how much we have changed in 3 years. That situation would have made me worry, sweat, and cry probably in that order a few years back but we have learned to live "inshallah" for sure. It is really the only way to maintain sanity. In the end we arrived 3 minutes before the take-off time and even though everyone was already on board we talked them into letting us run to the plane on the runway, jump on, and we made it! We touched down 25 minutes later on our island and started walking home (since we had not 1 shilling to our name at this point) until Jason greeted a man walking to his car and asked for a lift home. He happily agreed and we arrived home a few minutes later. Awesome.

So I am reminded there are so many things I love about this place. Thanks for everyone who sent a note, prayed, and thought of us...more to come on this journey.

lazy afternoons

2011-09-29T00:12:00.004-05:00

Just because we have no official shule around here for a few weeks does not mean the kids stay away. They climb over the wall, pound on the gate, and sneak in when the door is open but only when Jason is at Pamoja teaching because as the neighborhood kids know "Baba Annikah hapendi kelele" (Anni's Papa does not like noise) and noise is what they bring folks....

I teach English in the mornings now which is sooooo much better for my sanity so we have some lazy afternoons at home these days. I am thinking about starting up Shule ya Imani again at least once a week since everyone is saying they will forget all we have learned but I must say I am enjoying these afternoons of just hanging out with the folks in the neighborhood. No school it gives us more time to just play and laugh and pick fruit and climb trees and catch bugs and jump in dirty water in our chupis (ok, well not me to be sure as I am pretty sure that would negate the whole reason I wear a head covering...I just giggled and took pics). But after dumping out a few buckets of water a party broke out. It was messy but fabulous! See....

I love these watoto!

the latest on adoption

2011-09-26T05:47:00.005-05:00

We were promised adoption would not be easy. And we believed it but in a way you believe something you have never lived. Like for example; "marriage takes commitment and work" or "raising kids is hard." We smiled and agreed and figured we would have it covered when the time came. Confession: I do not have it covered (marriage, raising kids, adoption...please check all of the above). The latest problem has us at a seemingly closed door and I am wrecked about it. It has been difficult for me to process how I feel about it all. But after some shock, time, prayer, and talking through it with J I also have peace that He is in control and although I have no idea what is next I can trust the One who knows. I guess that makes no sense that I can feel wrecked while simultaneously feeling peace but that is the only way to describe my current emotional state. J and I fasted and prayed together about this and He so clearly spoke to both of us that "yes, adoption is part of our journey" but that we were not to "lie" or force something through in this situation (which has been reccommended to us) even if that would mean we could help an orphan here. That in what can be a grey area we are still called to walk in the light. God is calling us to adoption, we both feel that, but whether or not that means here is now completely out of our hands and it could change a lot about our future. The details are many and the answers are few but at this point please pray for us. For clarity. For more trusting in Him. For us to embrace this trial instead of run from it. For us to here clearly, discern, and obey. It has already meant some heartbreak and I sense for sure there is more to come but God can handle it all. I often hear people quote that "He heals the brokenhearted" without really thinking that to be healed means first your heart must be broken. And the breaking part is painful. He gave us this desire to adopt and this dream bring a child into our family and He will fulfill it in His timing. We are just called to follow one step at a time. Tomorrow we take the step He is calling us to right now.

Tomorrow we will take the early ferry to Dar and hope we can meet with the commissioner and our social worker to try to understand just what this new law (that has now been officially passed) means for us living on this island and our adoption journey.

I read in Oswald Chambers.."Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you exactly what He is going to do; He reveals to you WHO He is."

So, more unknowns, more waiting and more relying on Him. We are full of hope and expectancy as to how He will use this to draw us closer and to demonstrate who He is.

just chill....

2011-09-23T00:03:00.001-05:00

How easily I succumb to being "stressed out," to worrying, or being anxious. And as promised it has never added a single hour to my life. If I really think about how stress manifests in my life it is actually the opposite of trust. Jesus calls us to more faith because we are His. Valued. Loved.

I'm trying to take a cue from Miss Evy Imani and just chill today....and if you find yourself spinning wheels going nowhere, worrying without peace, or coping instead of thriving join me and remember He is worthy of more of our life, more of our faith, and will bring us more of the peace only He is capable of. Happy Friday friends!

shule news

2011-09-22T01:04:00.001-05:00

I started teaching English for grown folk at Pamoja again and thus Shule ya Imani is on a break much to the dismay of many little watoto who have been known to sneak in our gate daily and ask repeatedly "Mama Annikah, shule kesho?" (school tomorrow?). I am such a sucker for these little kids I tell you! Becuase I miss them and the chaos they bring I will reminisce by posting some pics of our party for Ramadan and passing their tests! We had some games, singing, and cupcakes to celebrate Miss Anni's Bday of course. Why is it on party days every student plus any other kids in a 1 mile radius show up EARLY!??! We have fun y'all!

game time...there was no mercy for the balloon popping game...seriously I was a afraid for my life:)

Happy Bday to Anni!

showing off their gifts

we have had some rockin' guests...and we LOVE guests people (hint: come visit...seriously try to resist these faces..I dare you!).....

check it out...one of my students came to school wearing this dress!! Nice fabric...ILL....INI!!

wonder where that is going....

2011-09-20T01:13:00.001-05:00

Even after living here 3 years I still am caught off guard by some of the things that pass by on the backs of bikes....yikes!!

sisters...

2011-09-19T11:50:00.004-05:00

the girls and I found a great new little place in town that serves up a mean coconut, banana, and mango smoothie! Plus, they have yummy spiced coffee that makes this Mama happy! Woo-hoo!! We get pumped about fun new places!

Hmmm.....I wonder where she gets this face?

Oh Yeah.....her sister.

yep, us girls live it up.

the artist continued...

2011-09-19T01:08:00.001-05:00

I have always written about Miss Annikah Joy's artist tendencies and even when her flare for color and art took to the walls of the joint I simple know the ...kid...must....paint! There was an event a few weeks back in town sponsored by a bookstore where a group of local artists gathered to share their skills and show of their amazing creations. Guests were then invited to add to the "wall" by painting scenes of people. The theme was "everyday people" and Anni quickly planned her masterpiece and got to work painting. Evy, Papa, and I cheered her on (and made some hand prints in paint...well Miss Evy that is)....check it out...I think she did a pretty amazing job!

planning her painting

her finished masterpiece..."Mama, our neighbor, Papa with his pants, and me by the ocean and the grass"

thankful

2011-09-18T03:38:00.001-05:00

After many prayers services and much visiting to share sorrow and grief today I am thankful for reminders of life and laughter.

tears

2011-09-13T11:17:00.017-05:00

The people here are very stoic and tears in front of others are always met with "mombea dua. Usilie yamaza kimya" (pray a special prayer, don't cry and be quiet). I heard that or something similar at least 20 times yesterday at the Khitma (prayer service) for my student.

There were probably close to 300 women there (the men were all at the mosque near by) and among the bright kangas, smoking incense, and chanting there was profound sadness and wondering and at the same time an acceptance of it all. Before the praying began everyone took seats on the mats laid outside the family's home, answered phone calls, and whispered among themselves about the latest news about the ferry sinking...how some families lost as many as 32 people...how bribes were paid to allow the ship to continue making runs because it did not past inspection....how bodies are now washing up in Tanga... how most of the people that died were women and children.....how God does not make mistakes and we must accept this. I prayed a lot during the hours I spent sitting on that mat with some of my students and neighbors. I had lots of time since I did not understand the Arabic prayers being recited. About an hour into praying my student next to me started to shake and sob and her tears were met with other women slapping her on the arm or back and telling her to pray and not cry. Not because they do not also feel grief but because the culture dictates that they must not cry. I held her hand and as tears also filled my eyes I told her God hears her cries. And I knew in that moment He did. I know He does. It filled me with peace in the midst of pain I cannot understand nor fix. He hears their cries. He even keeps the tears. This verse has always comforted me as I am known for my tendency to cry in any and all circumstances. I would not survive long had I been born in this culture since I have been known to cry even at well placed music swelling during a commercial. But it does not only comfort me because of my own basket-case inclinations but because to really know, to feel, to wrap my small understanding of God around this thought brings a warm blanket of peace over me. He collects the tears. He remembers and is deeply involved when we feel pain or joy. I read some commentary on this verse and it said that:

" It is possible, and, indeed, it seems probable, that there is an allusion in this verse to the custom of collecting tears shed in a time of calamity and sorrow, and preserving them in a small bottle or “lachrymatory,” as a memorial of the grief."

We are the created beings but yet in His wisdom He saw fit to know us each personally and hear our grief. After the service we stood in line to greet his mother and sister and as soon as I saw them again I started crying. I tried to comfort them in broken Kiswahili. I pray they felt loved by everyone gathering to mourn Mohammed. Even Jesus cried when his friend died. He has suffered so we can bring our pain to Him. And in death there can be victory. I am praying for healing and love to flow from a tragedy and people here to know they are deeply loved.

It has been raining all day and night here today for the first time in months. It feels to me like even God is crying. Cleansing. Mourning. Remembering.